When things aren't going great in your marriage, do you or your spouse ever threaten to leave? Do you ever use the "D" word? If divorce is something on your mind when you are negotiating a marriage rescue, there are going to be times when it seems as though the finality of divorce is preferable to the pain you are experiencing right now.
It's tempting to glorify divorce to some extent in so far as putting an end to the fighting, the upset, the sleepless nights, and the cyclical tit-for-tat pattern of your negative interactions.
Some people liken their marriage crisis to a big open wound. Gruesome image, I know, but the point made here is that it's open, visible, painful, is never far from your mind, and is going to take a lot of time, care, and attention to get it to heal.
There are no shortcuts when it comes to saving a marriage, and if you are at the beginning of this process and little progress has been made, it's going to be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not something that will heal overnight. It may take weeks, stretch into months, or even take years before things seem normal again, if ever.
By comparison, a divorce can be seen to deliver peace and finality to your marriage angst and stress in a relatively short period of time. Shift out, file papers, wait a while, divorce finalized.
In some circumstances, the time between filing the petition to decree absolute can be from 4 to 6 months. Obviously it depends on a number of factors, and contesting a divorce pushes the timeframe out much longer, but for many couples it can still seem like a more immediate and attractive option than the uncertainty of counseling, therapy, and discussion of who did what, and why, and how to move forward.
Is that why a divorce seems so tempting?
People tell themselves that a divorce is going to end the pain sooner and bring you closer to a resolution where you can get on with your life. But at what cost?
The cost of divorce is something that is almost always overlooked before the decision is made. A study by Lenore Weitzman in her book "The Divorce Revolution" cites that a man's standard of living decreases an average 42 percent, while a woman's standard of living decreases a staggering 73 percent in the first year after divorce!
The reduction in standard of living can have far-reaching consequences, especially where children are involved, and can lead to being forced to live in sub-standard housing, less healthy dietary options due to lack of income, and diminished income for recreation and leisure. Gone is the assumption that you can live the same life you had on your own, and the stress of managing a life on a significantly reduced living standard can add to the pressure of what is already a difficult time.
Can you afford to keep your car, or do you need to sell it and buy something cheaper? What sort of house can you afford to live in? Do you have to shift neighborhoods, away from your friends so you can afford the rent or mortgage? Can you afford to keep your children in the same schools? What impact is this upheaval having on them?
Marriages in trouble seem unfair enough to children, but a reduction of living standards associated with divorce seems especially unfair when there is no money available for recreation and leisure activities. Like it says in many reports and books, the first casualties of divorce are children.
So let's put it another way, if you knew your standard of living was going to be reduced as much as that, would you still make the decision to go ahead and divorce? Many couples spoken to afer divorce said they would have given their marriages another chance if they realized that divorce was going to have such a lasting socio-economic impact on their lives.
So the reduction in income is a significant factor in divorce. So is the high cost of petitioning and processing a divorce. Lawyers charge an increasing amount per hour ever year, and if asset separations or divorces themselves are contested, it's an easy way to let your legal bills spiral.
I know of a number of couples that I have spoken to in consultations that after several years of arguing through lawyers and courtrooms, had little left in the way of assets to separate! In their quest to get what they believed they deserved, the bulk of their settlement went towards paying protracted legal fees.
If you have children, it gets even more complicated. Child custody, deciding who lives where and when, dividing children's things between homes, managing your own life as well as childrens' sports practises and other interests, all of this takes on a new significance when you are facing it without the support of your spouse.
Do you have to buy separate clothes for your children when they are with you, or do the clothes and shoes go between houses?
All of a sudden the appeal of divorce is starting to lose its gloss.
Next comes your friends. When a divorce happens, friends are torn between the two of you and feel obligated to take sides. They may choose your spouse instead of you, which can come as a shock. The friends you once had seem a little more distant.
Friends that you thought would stick by you no longer call or drop by, and have increasingly busy lives that no longer include you. That's because you no longer have as much in common. You are single, where your friends are all married and have spouses. They aren't about to let you too close to their spouses, as you can be seen as a threat now that you no longer have a man or woman in your life.
When you choose to divorce, you lose much more than your spouse and your old way of life. In choosing to divorce, you also lose many of your friends.
Next comes the dating scene. All of a sudden you are single again, and facing the scene with frightened and wary new eyes. Everything that seemed familar to you five or ten years ago when you were dating, all of a sudden seems different.
For a start, you are five or ten years older, and the men your age have either moved on from the bars you used to go to, or the ones left aren't the ones you are interested in. Where are all the attractive, available men your age? It's back to the dating drawing board and relearning how to make it as a single man or woman, only this time with baggage.
Considering the high social and economic impact of divorce, doesn't it seem right that you should give your marriage your best shot?
You can't change the past, or how you and your spouse are feeling about the relationship at the present, but you can change your future. You don't have to be a divorce statistic. You can change your destiny if you want to.
It all starts with making a commitment to each other and your marriage, and taking divorce off the table as an option.
Showing posts with label marriage relationship help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage relationship help. Show all posts
Have you and your partner fallen out of love?
Today's consultation centers around the issue of one partner falling out of love, either due to the onset of a mid-life crisis, or a depressive episode. This particular couple had been married for a number of years and have four children. This couple would be described by those around them as a stable middle-class family.
In addition to the husband falling out of love, he stated he wasn't sure if he wanted closure on the relationship and wanted the option to come back if he changed his mind. He also placed conditions on the separation, stating that he felt neither of them should date for a while and that they could continue to attend functions as friends.
The idea of a partner wanting out of the relationship is hard enough, but this client is finding it hard with the uncertainty and the conditions placed on the separation.
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Here is my advice:
Hi there,
Thanks for your email.
It sounds as though you have had a really difficult time of things dealing with your husband's depression and the breakup of your family and way of life. I have read through your submission closely and can see a number of issues that need to be dealt with.
The first is your husband's depression and his ability to function on the right medication. Finding the correct medication is a difficult process, and finding the correct type of medication and the correct levels of dosage can be an ongoing process. Your husband's refusal to receive any counseling or therapy troubles me. He assumes that by removing himself from the marriage that he is removing himself from the problem, and that his happiness is tied somehow to his ability to change his living arrangements and responsibilities to his wife and children.
He is kidding himself. What this indicates to me is that he doesn't really understand what it is about his life that makes him unhappy. That's where counseling comes in. You need to do everything to encourage him to get some counseling. Medication is only a temporary fix. Counseling will help him actually face and deal with the problems that are affecting him. Even if he doesn't want to go to counseling with you, he could do individual counseling.
He also assumes that you will still be able to go to parties and events but just as friends. It sounds as though he hasn't really considered the implications of divorce. Yes, you can maintain contact on a friendly level, but to assume that you would continue to go to parties together is just plain ignorant. That's just not normal.
He tells you that you can go to parties together as friends, and that you should not see anyone for a while, just in case he changes his mind, that you shouldn't move, and that he doesn't want to be around you or with you. This sounds as though he has the best of both worlds. He absolves himself of responsibility to his wife and family, yet believes he can still control how you will live your life without him.
You need to be more assertive. Divorce has consequences. If you want to leave town, you have the right to do so. Tell him. You need to communicate with him how you are feeling when he tells you these things. He expects you to put your life on hold in case he later changes his mind. This is unacceptable, and you need to tell him this. If he divorces you, you will date other people, reduce your contact with him, and shift away. You need to point out to him how his decisions are going to have consequences both for you and for him.
I understand that he is depressed, but he is also being very selfish. His selfish actions have an effect on more than just him and you. You have children to think about too. How do they feel about this? How are they coping? You need to listen to their feelings too.
When he comes over you need to continue to work on your communication and sharing your feelings. Your feelings are just as important as his. It is a difficult situation, but you can't let him walk all over you. He will if you let him. At the moment all of the decisions are centered around what is good for him. It is time you started communicating your feelings to him and making some decisions that are good for you.
In addition to the husband falling out of love, he stated he wasn't sure if he wanted closure on the relationship and wanted the option to come back if he changed his mind. He also placed conditions on the separation, stating that he felt neither of them should date for a while and that they could continue to attend functions as friends.
The idea of a partner wanting out of the relationship is hard enough, but this client is finding it hard with the uncertainty and the conditions placed on the separation.
**************************
Here is my advice:
Hi there,
Thanks for your email.
It sounds as though you have had a really difficult time of things dealing with your husband's depression and the breakup of your family and way of life. I have read through your submission closely and can see a number of issues that need to be dealt with.
The first is your husband's depression and his ability to function on the right medication. Finding the correct medication is a difficult process, and finding the correct type of medication and the correct levels of dosage can be an ongoing process. Your husband's refusal to receive any counseling or therapy troubles me. He assumes that by removing himself from the marriage that he is removing himself from the problem, and that his happiness is tied somehow to his ability to change his living arrangements and responsibilities to his wife and children.
He is kidding himself. What this indicates to me is that he doesn't really understand what it is about his life that makes him unhappy. That's where counseling comes in. You need to do everything to encourage him to get some counseling. Medication is only a temporary fix. Counseling will help him actually face and deal with the problems that are affecting him. Even if he doesn't want to go to counseling with you, he could do individual counseling.
He also assumes that you will still be able to go to parties and events but just as friends. It sounds as though he hasn't really considered the implications of divorce. Yes, you can maintain contact on a friendly level, but to assume that you would continue to go to parties together is just plain ignorant. That's just not normal.
He tells you that you can go to parties together as friends, and that you should not see anyone for a while, just in case he changes his mind, that you shouldn't move, and that he doesn't want to be around you or with you. This sounds as though he has the best of both worlds. He absolves himself of responsibility to his wife and family, yet believes he can still control how you will live your life without him.
You need to be more assertive. Divorce has consequences. If you want to leave town, you have the right to do so. Tell him. You need to communicate with him how you are feeling when he tells you these things. He expects you to put your life on hold in case he later changes his mind. This is unacceptable, and you need to tell him this. If he divorces you, you will date other people, reduce your contact with him, and shift away. You need to point out to him how his decisions are going to have consequences both for you and for him.
I understand that he is depressed, but he is also being very selfish. His selfish actions have an effect on more than just him and you. You have children to think about too. How do they feel about this? How are they coping? You need to listen to their feelings too.
When he comes over you need to continue to work on your communication and sharing your feelings. Your feelings are just as important as his. It is a difficult situation, but you can't let him walk all over you. He will if you let him. At the moment all of the decisions are centered around what is good for him. It is time you started communicating your feelings to him and making some decisions that are good for you.
Recognizing marital conflicts and solving them fast
Annie and Glenn were considered the perfect couple of the year when they were married in a small but picturesque chapel in Santa Monica two years ago. Annie was a 24 year old career girl while Glenn was on his way to becoming a successful lawyer.
That was then when they were still carefree individuals who got involved in their relationship for a little fun and companionship. Marriage has made a very big difference in their lives. It seems to have ruined what they call magic.
Both have attained their career goals. Annie now writes her own column in a business magazine while Glenn has been recruited by a top notch law firm. Their careers are going great; their marriage however is another story.
Both are so busy with their own lives that they seem to have started growing apart. Most of their hours are spent at work, and on the rare occasions they see each other, they spend much of it in a shouting match.
Annie and Glenn's dilemma is not uncommon to many married couple; in fact it is the rule rather than the exception. Married couples sometimes ask themselves why they are capable of doing things that could hurt the other spouse, despite the fact that they love each other so much.
It is true when they say it is the person you love the most that can hurt you the most. This is true for most married couple who have not yet found a way to settle their differences and live with their then.
Arguments are part and parcel of being married but it is up to the couple to find ways to lessen the frequency and the intensity of the argument. Sometimes, couples think having the same argument over and over again is a normal thing in marriage. Of course, it is a normal thing but it should not be a so.
Common sources of conflict among married couples
It is hard to live with another person because each one has his own personality and each person was brought up by their families differently. Conflicts arise when two personalities and two ways of life merge - each one wanting to be dominant.
The main reason married couples have arguments is because they are two different people forced to live physically together, regardless of their quirks and personality. Unless you are a boring creature who does not want surprises, then you would find it fun to live with a person who is just like you and so predictable that you do not even speak to each other because one is aware of what other is thinking. Others believe differently, believing that when two people are so alike there is no need for the other,
But there are specific issues that are pointed to as the common source of conflict and argument among married couples.
1. Money - Who does not need money? Of course everyone does, and the lack of excess of financial means will always serve as a launching pad for conflict. A couple who does not have enough money will have conflicts with budgeting and managing their finances. On the other hand, a couple who have plenty of resources will still quarrel over how the money is being spent..
2. Jealousy - A jealous lover adds sizzle to romance but when jealousy goes overboard it can make your married life miserable. A little jealousy will help make the relationship exciting but too much of it will alienate one spouse from the jealous spouse. People who have jealous spouses tend to curtail their emotional and intellectual development.
3. Sex - The lack or excess of sexual activity is also a source of conflict for married couples. Couples who have the same sexual preferences are lucky. For most couples incompatibility of their sexual desires is often the underlying reason for conflicts that are manifested in other ways.
4. In-laws - There are couples who incessantly quarrel just because of domineering in-laws who are interfering with the marriage. A couple may be living away from the in-laws but there are ways in-laws manage to ruin the marriage. It is really up to the spouses to inform their own families about the limitation that are to be observed to keep the marriage healthy and far from in-laws interference.
5. Responsibility - Who is in charge of cleaning the house? Who is in charge of paying for the monthly bills or the groceries? These are little things that boil down to the delegation of responsibilities between the spouses. It will be good if spouses can talk about who should be responsible for all the things necessary to keep the marriage on an even keel..
There are other sources of conflict, most of them originating from the basic sources of conflict. Couples should be aware of the things that cause conflict between them so they can find a common solution to those conflicts. Being aware of conflicts and confronting them the as soon as possible will help the marriage and will avoid recurrence of such conflicts later on.
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
That was then when they were still carefree individuals who got involved in their relationship for a little fun and companionship. Marriage has made a very big difference in their lives. It seems to have ruined what they call magic.
Both have attained their career goals. Annie now writes her own column in a business magazine while Glenn has been recruited by a top notch law firm. Their careers are going great; their marriage however is another story.
Both are so busy with their own lives that they seem to have started growing apart. Most of their hours are spent at work, and on the rare occasions they see each other, they spend much of it in a shouting match.
Annie and Glenn's dilemma is not uncommon to many married couple; in fact it is the rule rather than the exception. Married couples sometimes ask themselves why they are capable of doing things that could hurt the other spouse, despite the fact that they love each other so much.
It is true when they say it is the person you love the most that can hurt you the most. This is true for most married couple who have not yet found a way to settle their differences and live with their then.
Arguments are part and parcel of being married but it is up to the couple to find ways to lessen the frequency and the intensity of the argument. Sometimes, couples think having the same argument over and over again is a normal thing in marriage. Of course, it is a normal thing but it should not be a so.Common sources of conflict among married couples
It is hard to live with another person because each one has his own personality and each person was brought up by their families differently. Conflicts arise when two personalities and two ways of life merge - each one wanting to be dominant.
The main reason married couples have arguments is because they are two different people forced to live physically together, regardless of their quirks and personality. Unless you are a boring creature who does not want surprises, then you would find it fun to live with a person who is just like you and so predictable that you do not even speak to each other because one is aware of what other is thinking. Others believe differently, believing that when two people are so alike there is no need for the other,
But there are specific issues that are pointed to as the common source of conflict and argument among married couples.
1. Money - Who does not need money? Of course everyone does, and the lack of excess of financial means will always serve as a launching pad for conflict. A couple who does not have enough money will have conflicts with budgeting and managing their finances. On the other hand, a couple who have plenty of resources will still quarrel over how the money is being spent..
2. Jealousy - A jealous lover adds sizzle to romance but when jealousy goes overboard it can make your married life miserable. A little jealousy will help make the relationship exciting but too much of it will alienate one spouse from the jealous spouse. People who have jealous spouses tend to curtail their emotional and intellectual development.
3. Sex - The lack or excess of sexual activity is also a source of conflict for married couples. Couples who have the same sexual preferences are lucky. For most couples incompatibility of their sexual desires is often the underlying reason for conflicts that are manifested in other ways.
4. In-laws - There are couples who incessantly quarrel just because of domineering in-laws who are interfering with the marriage. A couple may be living away from the in-laws but there are ways in-laws manage to ruin the marriage. It is really up to the spouses to inform their own families about the limitation that are to be observed to keep the marriage healthy and far from in-laws interference.
5. Responsibility - Who is in charge of cleaning the house? Who is in charge of paying for the monthly bills or the groceries? These are little things that boil down to the delegation of responsibilities between the spouses. It will be good if spouses can talk about who should be responsible for all the things necessary to keep the marriage on an even keel..
There are other sources of conflict, most of them originating from the basic sources of conflict. Couples should be aware of the things that cause conflict between them so they can find a common solution to those conflicts. Being aware of conflicts and confronting them the as soon as possible will help the marriage and will avoid recurrence of such conflicts later on.
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Reconcile or Move On, How to Decide
Should I Reconcile? You are older and wiser now, with an experience or two, and a decision to make.
Your desire to reconcile is often a desire to live the dream. To revive your passions and the hopes you lived in the beginning. To return to 'Go' and start over with a new role of the dice.
Perhaps reconciliation is not your own desire, but forced upon you like a load of dirty laundry. Forced upon you by silent and sullen children. Forced upon you by a repentant spouse, full of promises and needs greater than your own. Forced upon you by family, religion, and tradition of the day.
Should I reconcile? Should I accept the hurt, the pain, and call it a day? Can I face the unknown, or is there more comfort in this familiar but battered arena? Yes, you are older and wiser now, with a decision to make.
How to decide
Take a blank piece of paper, any paper, and if you are inclined you can create a spreadsheet or flow chart, it matters not the medium. Across the top draw a single line, and down the centre draw another line. At the top on one side write the word STAY. The other side gets MOVE ON.
There is no secret or trick to this; simply write down every reason or excuse for saving or ending your marriage. This writer remembers being asked to make a list of all the possible uses for the lowly paper clip. Writing down one use leads to another and another, the list reached 50 ideas within two minuets. At another table their list numbered 110. The point my friend is to just jot down, pro and con. Your list might take a life of its own, growing hour by hour, day by day.
At least three things will happen.
- You will come to a decision.
- You will have clearer understanding of the issues.
- You have the beginnings of a course of action
Staying means taking action and making one more commitment to your marriage. That commitment is not yours alone. You both have issues to resolve. It is not prudent to take the easy road by ducking the issues. Face them head on. Pay the price in the currency of hard work and honest communication, without it couples often fall back into old habits. A recommendable course of action is joint marriage counseling, and in many cases joint financial counseling.
Moving on means acceptance, and closes the option of going back into the marriage. While it may be sad, it also frees you to look to your future without the complications of all the "what if's". Moving on can be like passing Go and collecting your $200, knowing the next trip around the block might be better than the last.
********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Your desire to reconcile is often a desire to live the dream. To revive your passions and the hopes you lived in the beginning. To return to 'Go' and start over with a new role of the dice.
Perhaps reconciliation is not your own desire, but forced upon you like a load of dirty laundry. Forced upon you by silent and sullen children. Forced upon you by a repentant spouse, full of promises and needs greater than your own. Forced upon you by family, religion, and tradition of the day.
Should I reconcile? Should I accept the hurt, the pain, and call it a day? Can I face the unknown, or is there more comfort in this familiar but battered arena? Yes, you are older and wiser now, with a decision to make.
How to decide
Take a blank piece of paper, any paper, and if you are inclined you can create a spreadsheet or flow chart, it matters not the medium. Across the top draw a single line, and down the centre draw another line. At the top on one side write the word STAY. The other side gets MOVE ON.
There is no secret or trick to this; simply write down every reason or excuse for saving or ending your marriage. This writer remembers being asked to make a list of all the possible uses for the lowly paper clip. Writing down one use leads to another and another, the list reached 50 ideas within two minuets. At another table their list numbered 110. The point my friend is to just jot down, pro and con. Your list might take a life of its own, growing hour by hour, day by day.
At least three things will happen.
- You will come to a decision.
- You will have clearer understanding of the issues.
- You have the beginnings of a course of action
Staying means taking action and making one more commitment to your marriage. That commitment is not yours alone. You both have issues to resolve. It is not prudent to take the easy road by ducking the issues. Face them head on. Pay the price in the currency of hard work and honest communication, without it couples often fall back into old habits. A recommendable course of action is joint marriage counseling, and in many cases joint financial counseling.
Moving on means acceptance, and closes the option of going back into the marriage. While it may be sad, it also frees you to look to your future without the complications of all the "what if's". Moving on can be like passing Go and collecting your $200, knowing the next trip around the block might be better than the last.
********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
What you need to sacrifice for a lasting marriage
Statistics clearly show that half of American marriages often end up in divorce.
According to relationship researchers, almost all couples, happy or not, have comparable number of incompatible differences. Sixty-nine percent of these disagreements are left unresolved.
Often, the selfish behavior of one partner separates them from their spouse. Each divorce is usually the outcome of one’s selfishness in the marriage. One thinks of only satisfying himself; the conveniences, comforts, luxuries and freedom.
Marriage is surrendering totally oneself to another person. The wife submits herself to the husband as the husband, surrenders to his wife; marriage entails a complete surrender, meaning to sacrifice.
Together with considerations comes adaptation and adjustments. If it is already obvious that adjustment have to be made, a spouse must be eager and ready to accomplish anything that is needed.
There will be times in a marriage that spouses should sacrifice something he/she feels important such as a hobby, a job, something that a spouse likes doing, to preserve certain relationship.
To make a marriage to last, it must be guarded and protected. Each spouse has to avoid, limit or give up whatever it is that threatens it.
To others, it can require giving up a loved hobby like golf, bar hopping with friends, or stop communicating with a workmate who is clearly “getting too close.”
Spouses can sacrifice their:
1. Beliefs.
Should both have opposing beliefs, (for example, raising their children) spouses need to discuss matters and understand each other’s point of view. When both really can not agree a compromise is needed the wife might let her husband lead, as long as the husband’s beliefs are for the betterment of their children.
2. Goals.
Married couples should set common goals so both can work as a team.
3. Career.
When career is a threat to one’s family, one should sacrifice it.
4. Priorities.
Remember that in marriage there is no more “I” - entail lot of “we”. Set your priorities straight, your marriage should always come first.
5. Independence.
While there are many husbands and wives who value their independence and their spouses understand, one should always consider and consult the other before a mutual decision is made.
Nobody would acknowledge that they depend on someone for strength and stability. Husbands and wives who change their ways for their spouse may be negatively viewed many who are not familiar with the circumstances.
Love enables husbands and wives to willingly sacrifice to attain a lasting marriage.
According to relationship researchers, almost all couples, happy or not, have comparable number of incompatible differences. Sixty-nine percent of these disagreements are left unresolved.
Often, the selfish behavior of one partner separates them from their spouse. Each divorce is usually the outcome of one’s selfishness in the marriage. One thinks of only satisfying himself; the conveniences, comforts, luxuries and freedom.
Marriage is surrendering totally oneself to another person. The wife submits herself to the husband as the husband, surrenders to his wife; marriage entails a complete surrender, meaning to sacrifice.
Together with considerations comes adaptation and adjustments. If it is already obvious that adjustment have to be made, a spouse must be eager and ready to accomplish anything that is needed.
There will be times in a marriage that spouses should sacrifice something he/she feels important such as a hobby, a job, something that a spouse likes doing, to preserve certain relationship.
To make a marriage to last, it must be guarded and protected. Each spouse has to avoid, limit or give up whatever it is that threatens it.
To others, it can require giving up a loved hobby like golf, bar hopping with friends, or stop communicating with a workmate who is clearly “getting too close.”
Spouses can sacrifice their:
1. Beliefs.
Should both have opposing beliefs, (for example, raising their children) spouses need to discuss matters and understand each other’s point of view. When both really can not agree a compromise is needed the wife might let her husband lead, as long as the husband’s beliefs are for the betterment of their children.
2. Goals.
Married couples should set common goals so both can work as a team.
3. Career.
When career is a threat to one’s family, one should sacrifice it.
4. Priorities.
Remember that in marriage there is no more “I” - entail lot of “we”. Set your priorities straight, your marriage should always come first.
5. Independence.
While there are many husbands and wives who value their independence and their spouses understand, one should always consider and consult the other before a mutual decision is made.
Nobody would acknowledge that they depend on someone for strength and stability. Husbands and wives who change their ways for their spouse may be negatively viewed many who are not familiar with the circumstances.
Love enables husbands and wives to willingly sacrifice to attain a lasting marriage.
How To Avoid Marriage Conflicts
No matter how happy a married couple looks like, their marriage is not without occasional conflicts. Having conflicts in marriage life is normal. It is brought about by the natural differences of the couple. However, if the gravity and frequency of conflicts inside a marriage keeps on elevating to new heights, the risk of destroying the marriage is always there.
Keeping a healthy marriage is the key towards avoiding marital conflicts. Listed below are some advices which apply to different situations related to conflict resolutions inside marriage.
Mind the person, not the differences
Most often than not, serious marriage conflicts are related to smaller things that add up and eventually burst. Marriage entails that the spouses love each other for who they are and small annoying things should be taken for granted. Understanding each other especially with little things will help strengthen the relationship and give a general sense of belongingness to both the spouses.
Do not compare
It is never a good idea to compare your spouse with the spouse of others, even if it is intended for fun. The grass ain't greener on the other side of the fence. There's good and bad in all people, but the problem is that people tend to see the bad traits in their spouses. Marriage means belongingness and spouses should make their partners feel that they belong together.
Stay in love
Entering in marriage does not mean the end of fun. Couples tend to be more serious when they enter in marriage, thus, leaving out all the passion and the fun. Keeping the feeling of being in love is the main foundation of a successful marriage.
However happy a couple is inside a marriage, there will come a time when they will face conflicts. But being in conflict with each other is not the end of it all. Here are some more useful advices in dealing with conflicts in marriage.
Control instincts
People tend to resort to anger, hatred and disrespect when confronting their partners. Remember that conflict resolution does not necessarily have to entail violence and hurt. Talking with an open heart and an unclouded mind will really help resolve the conflict.
Reaffirm one another
Couples should reaffirm their willingness to resolve the conflict by saying in their own words what the other one is saying and act according to the resolutions which were made.
Differences do not necessarily have to end in conflicts and conflicts do not necessarily have to end in a cold and heartless marriage. Always find love in marriage and everything will fall in place.
If you still have faith in your marriage, do not give up easily. Though saving a marriage is not always easy, with the right approach it is possible even if you are the only one interested. Get a free mini e-course NOW on how to save your marriage.
Keeping a healthy marriage is the key towards avoiding marital conflicts. Listed below are some advices which apply to different situations related to conflict resolutions inside marriage.
Mind the person, not the differences
Most often than not, serious marriage conflicts are related to smaller things that add up and eventually burst. Marriage entails that the spouses love each other for who they are and small annoying things should be taken for granted. Understanding each other especially with little things will help strengthen the relationship and give a general sense of belongingness to both the spouses.
Do not compare
It is never a good idea to compare your spouse with the spouse of others, even if it is intended for fun. The grass ain't greener on the other side of the fence. There's good and bad in all people, but the problem is that people tend to see the bad traits in their spouses. Marriage means belongingness and spouses should make their partners feel that they belong together.
Stay in love
Entering in marriage does not mean the end of fun. Couples tend to be more serious when they enter in marriage, thus, leaving out all the passion and the fun. Keeping the feeling of being in love is the main foundation of a successful marriage.
However happy a couple is inside a marriage, there will come a time when they will face conflicts. But being in conflict with each other is not the end of it all. Here are some more useful advices in dealing with conflicts in marriage.
Control instincts
People tend to resort to anger, hatred and disrespect when confronting their partners. Remember that conflict resolution does not necessarily have to entail violence and hurt. Talking with an open heart and an unclouded mind will really help resolve the conflict.
Reaffirm one another
Couples should reaffirm their willingness to resolve the conflict by saying in their own words what the other one is saying and act according to the resolutions which were made.
Differences do not necessarily have to end in conflicts and conflicts do not necessarily have to end in a cold and heartless marriage. Always find love in marriage and everything will fall in place.
If you still have faith in your marriage, do not give up easily. Though saving a marriage is not always easy, with the right approach it is possible even if you are the only one interested. Get a free mini e-course NOW on how to save your marriage.
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