When I hear from customers about their particular marital problems, there are a number of issues that all of these couples have in common. Apart from the usual reduction in sexual intimacy, when I ask customers how long it has been since they went on a date or went away for the weekend, I am usually greeted with a blank stare.
For many customers, it could be anywhere between a year or 18 months since they last had a break or even a date. When I use the term "date", I mean an evening out specifically with the purpose of spending quality time together. Family dinners or nights out with friends don't count, and actually sitting down and calculating how long it has been since the last date or break away as a couple can be a very sobering thought.
Even myself when I sat down and had a think, made me realize that it had been several months since me and my partner had done anything that fitted the criteria of a date or a break.
It may not be intentional, but often weeks can turn into months, and months turn into seasons, and you fall into the trap of spending so much of your time doing the day-to-day things in your marriage, you lose perspective of what is really important. Do you think on the day that you got married when you imagined what your marriage was going to be like that it would be like this? Or like me, did you have visions of weekends away together, driving out in the countryside, attending parties and functions as man and wife, and growing old together doing the things you love?
So what happened to that image?
Jobs, demands on your time, children, family commitments, budget constraints and the daily stresses of life soon got in the way of the image of the perfect relationship, and we resigned ourselves to the fact that it was simply a dream.
It doesn't have to be that way.
Making the effort to go out on a date or go away for a weekend doesn't have to cost a lot of money, and it doesn't have to involve huge amounts of time. If you put as much effort into your relationship as you do into your friends, children, pets, or sporting commitments, the time to do these things would simply be there. If you want a night out or a weekend badly enough, there are most often very simple ways to make it happen. Send your children to their grandparents for the night or a weekend. Send them to stay with friends.
A date could even be something as simple as a pizza in a park or a walk on the beach. A weekend away could be as simple as locking the doors and renting DVDs and pampering each other with baths and massages. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you choose to make it. I recently hired a house for a couple of nights up in the mountains and spent a weekend either sleeping, watching movies, or walking together and eating special food. I was surprised how cheap it was and how little effort it involved in putting it all together.
A good life and a good marriage is not measured by minutes, hours, and days, but by special moments and special memories spent together. If it has been too long since your last special memory, make a commitment today to creating one. One small effort might make all the difference.
Showing posts with label happy marriage secrets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy marriage secrets. Show all posts
How to Have a Lasting Marriage through Honesty
Honesty is one very important factor necessary to have a strong and lasting marriage. Every couple must be aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses. They should be able to live together with trust in and understanding for one another.
Here are some tips on how you can have a lasting marriage through honesty:
1. To have a strong relationship, a couple should know most of the things about one other. It is very important for a couple to know details about one's previous relationships and love life. This can build a strong relationship by letting the partner have a background on the things that have happened from the partner’s past especially on previous relationships.
2. Make sure that information on current friends is brought up during conversations that should involve them. This will allow the couple to have an idea how the personalities of these people can influence and affect each other’s lives. There are also instances where friends can be helpful in strengthening and maintaining a lasting marriage.
3. A spouse must also know information regarding the partner’s occupation or on how the partner earns a living. It is essential for a couple to be informed on details such as where one's partner works and how much he/she earns in a month.
4. Couples should have shared dreams and plans. It is essential in a marriage that couples share the same dreams. Disappointments and failures should be dealt with together as married a couple.
Some couples tend to hide their failures from their spouses because they fear the spouse might be affected by problems in which the other may be involved Some would think that being honest all the time could lead to arguments and conflicts in a marriage. Problems and failures should be resolved together. A spouse needs someone to lean on and that is the main responsibility of the other spouse and vice versa.
5. Couples are advised not to be hesitant in asking questions about one another’s feelings. There might be some occasions where one spouse or the other could feel the lack of moral support. Some marriages are destroyed due to financial problems where a spouse can no longer support the financial needs of the household. In such cases honesty is the only answer.
Honesty should be treated as the most respectful approach to a partner’s feelings. Many have survived the challenges of marriage because honesty is the very foundation of their relationship. Always remember that being true and honest is how a person can express his or her love to his or her partner.
Here are some tips on how you can have a lasting marriage through honesty:1. To have a strong relationship, a couple should know most of the things about one other. It is very important for a couple to know details about one's previous relationships and love life. This can build a strong relationship by letting the partner have a background on the things that have happened from the partner’s past especially on previous relationships.
2. Make sure that information on current friends is brought up during conversations that should involve them. This will allow the couple to have an idea how the personalities of these people can influence and affect each other’s lives. There are also instances where friends can be helpful in strengthening and maintaining a lasting marriage.
3. A spouse must also know information regarding the partner’s occupation or on how the partner earns a living. It is essential for a couple to be informed on details such as where one's partner works and how much he/she earns in a month.
4. Couples should have shared dreams and plans. It is essential in a marriage that couples share the same dreams. Disappointments and failures should be dealt with together as married a couple.
Some couples tend to hide their failures from their spouses because they fear the spouse might be affected by problems in which the other may be involved Some would think that being honest all the time could lead to arguments and conflicts in a marriage. Problems and failures should be resolved together. A spouse needs someone to lean on and that is the main responsibility of the other spouse and vice versa.
5. Couples are advised not to be hesitant in asking questions about one another’s feelings. There might be some occasions where one spouse or the other could feel the lack of moral support. Some marriages are destroyed due to financial problems where a spouse can no longer support the financial needs of the household. In such cases honesty is the only answer.
Honesty should be treated as the most respectful approach to a partner’s feelings. Many have survived the challenges of marriage because honesty is the very foundation of their relationship. Always remember that being true and honest is how a person can express his or her love to his or her partner.
What you need to sacrifice for a lasting marriage
Statistics clearly show that half of American marriages often end up in divorce.
According to relationship researchers, almost all couples, happy or not, have comparable number of incompatible differences. Sixty-nine percent of these disagreements are left unresolved.
Often, the selfish behavior of one partner separates them from their spouse. Each divorce is usually the outcome of one’s selfishness in the marriage. One thinks of only satisfying himself; the conveniences, comforts, luxuries and freedom.
Marriage is surrendering totally oneself to another person. The wife submits herself to the husband as the husband, surrenders to his wife; marriage entails a complete surrender, meaning to sacrifice.
Together with considerations comes adaptation and adjustments. If it is already obvious that adjustment have to be made, a spouse must be eager and ready to accomplish anything that is needed.
There will be times in a marriage that spouses should sacrifice something he/she feels important such as a hobby, a job, something that a spouse likes doing, to preserve certain relationship.
To make a marriage to last, it must be guarded and protected. Each spouse has to avoid, limit or give up whatever it is that threatens it.
To others, it can require giving up a loved hobby like golf, bar hopping with friends, or stop communicating with a workmate who is clearly “getting too close.”
Spouses can sacrifice their:
1. Beliefs.
Should both have opposing beliefs, (for example, raising their children) spouses need to discuss matters and understand each other’s point of view. When both really can not agree a compromise is needed the wife might let her husband lead, as long as the husband’s beliefs are for the betterment of their children.
2. Goals.
Married couples should set common goals so both can work as a team.
3. Career.
When career is a threat to one’s family, one should sacrifice it.
4. Priorities.
Remember that in marriage there is no more “I” - entail lot of “we”. Set your priorities straight, your marriage should always come first.
5. Independence.
While there are many husbands and wives who value their independence and their spouses understand, one should always consider and consult the other before a mutual decision is made.
Nobody would acknowledge that they depend on someone for strength and stability. Husbands and wives who change their ways for their spouse may be negatively viewed many who are not familiar with the circumstances.
Love enables husbands and wives to willingly sacrifice to attain a lasting marriage.
According to relationship researchers, almost all couples, happy or not, have comparable number of incompatible differences. Sixty-nine percent of these disagreements are left unresolved.
Often, the selfish behavior of one partner separates them from their spouse. Each divorce is usually the outcome of one’s selfishness in the marriage. One thinks of only satisfying himself; the conveniences, comforts, luxuries and freedom.
Marriage is surrendering totally oneself to another person. The wife submits herself to the husband as the husband, surrenders to his wife; marriage entails a complete surrender, meaning to sacrifice.
Together with considerations comes adaptation and adjustments. If it is already obvious that adjustment have to be made, a spouse must be eager and ready to accomplish anything that is needed.
There will be times in a marriage that spouses should sacrifice something he/she feels important such as a hobby, a job, something that a spouse likes doing, to preserve certain relationship.
To make a marriage to last, it must be guarded and protected. Each spouse has to avoid, limit or give up whatever it is that threatens it.
To others, it can require giving up a loved hobby like golf, bar hopping with friends, or stop communicating with a workmate who is clearly “getting too close.”
Spouses can sacrifice their:
1. Beliefs.
Should both have opposing beliefs, (for example, raising their children) spouses need to discuss matters and understand each other’s point of view. When both really can not agree a compromise is needed the wife might let her husband lead, as long as the husband’s beliefs are for the betterment of their children.
2. Goals.
Married couples should set common goals so both can work as a team.
3. Career.
When career is a threat to one’s family, one should sacrifice it.
4. Priorities.
Remember that in marriage there is no more “I” - entail lot of “we”. Set your priorities straight, your marriage should always come first.
5. Independence.
While there are many husbands and wives who value their independence and their spouses understand, one should always consider and consult the other before a mutual decision is made.
Nobody would acknowledge that they depend on someone for strength and stability. Husbands and wives who change their ways for their spouse may be negatively viewed many who are not familiar with the circumstances.
Love enables husbands and wives to willingly sacrifice to attain a lasting marriage.
Happily Ever After: Just How Do You Get There?
In the real world, it’s certainly not with a magic wand. But real married life doesn’t necessarily have to be dull and gray either.
A bright and lasting marriage is very possible even after the honeymoon period. What is needed is the willingness to work at it and an even bigger will to keep on working when things get difficult – because as with any marriage, it definitely will.
A healthy marriage is a lot like a healthy body. As your body requires proper feeding, consistent exercise and sufficient rest; so does your marriage need constant reassurance, adequate time together, and steady communication.
Communication to a marriage is a lot like exercise for the body. It is what you do to make sure your relationship is in good shape.
A misconception people have over communication is that it requires words and a schedule to sit down and talk. While it is true that couples need to find time to talk on a regular basis, consistent communication goes beyond simply this.
Communication also involves non-verbal cues such as body language and with how common everyday things are done.
For example, when you see your partner crossing his arms while you’re explaining something, he may not be receptive to what you are saying. Seeing his/her body tense up when you bring up a certain topic may mean that the particular subject is causing him/her stress.
Another example of non-verbal communication is noticing how they do certain everyday things differently. An example would be when the wife is dressed up a bit nicer than usual. She may want to look special for some reason but prefers not to say it outright. When the husband spends more and more time working in the garage than he used to, he may be saying that something is bothering him, which makes him want to spend less time in the house.
Of course the meanings of these actions vary, but it is wise to be aware of them. Use these non-verbal cues as signs that your partner may want to say something, but is reluctant to talk about them for now. And then, when the time is right, be ready to take these non-verbal communications to the next level and talk about it.
As it is with your body where instant results don’t come with a few exercise sessions; the same principle applies to a marriage. Communicating now will not necessarily make everything rosy from here on end, but it will certainly pave the way to a healthy relationship much more smoothly.
A bright and lasting marriage is very possible even after the honeymoon period. What is needed is the willingness to work at it and an even bigger will to keep on working when things get difficult – because as with any marriage, it definitely will.
A healthy marriage is a lot like a healthy body. As your body requires proper feeding, consistent exercise and sufficient rest; so does your marriage need constant reassurance, adequate time together, and steady communication.
Communication to a marriage is a lot like exercise for the body. It is what you do to make sure your relationship is in good shape.
A misconception people have over communication is that it requires words and a schedule to sit down and talk. While it is true that couples need to find time to talk on a regular basis, consistent communication goes beyond simply this.
Communication also involves non-verbal cues such as body language and with how common everyday things are done.
For example, when you see your partner crossing his arms while you’re explaining something, he may not be receptive to what you are saying. Seeing his/her body tense up when you bring up a certain topic may mean that the particular subject is causing him/her stress.
Another example of non-verbal communication is noticing how they do certain everyday things differently. An example would be when the wife is dressed up a bit nicer than usual. She may want to look special for some reason but prefers not to say it outright. When the husband spends more and more time working in the garage than he used to, he may be saying that something is bothering him, which makes him want to spend less time in the house.
Of course the meanings of these actions vary, but it is wise to be aware of them. Use these non-verbal cues as signs that your partner may want to say something, but is reluctant to talk about them for now. And then, when the time is right, be ready to take these non-verbal communications to the next level and talk about it.
As it is with your body where instant results don’t come with a few exercise sessions; the same principle applies to a marriage. Communicating now will not necessarily make everything rosy from here on end, but it will certainly pave the way to a healthy relationship much more smoothly.
Never go to bed angry to improve your marriage
The Key to a solid marriage - "never go to bed angry", is a cliché that we always hear. This has proven to be very sound advice, and is a motto that many couples live by.
Marriage is the ultimate consummation for two people who are in love. Your wedding is not the "happy ending" to your love story, instead, it is just the beginning of your life together.
For a married couple who is just starting out, petty fights and arguments can not be avoided. The first few years of your marriage will be the test to determine if you can actually “live” with each other’s bad or annoying habits. The strength of your love for each other will serve as the “building block” of the rest of your years together.
During petty fights, it is good to remember that having an argument is natural. You and your spouse are two different people and you can expect your individual personalities to clash.
Here are some ways you and your spouse, as a married couple, can strengthen your bond and improve your marriage:
1. Fight if you need to
This is when the rule mentioned above will apply. As a couple, you will have arguments, disagreements, and conflicts of interest. Even a minor thing like household chores can lead to disagreements.
The key to a ‘healthy’ argument is to get everything out in the open.
Take a look at this example. During a quarrel the husband may be given the ‘cold’ shoulder by his wife. The wife thinks that her spouse is not being sensitive enough when it comes to her needs. He is caught totally unaware, but when he tries to confront the issue head-on his wife gives him the ‘silent treatment’. Eventually, their marriage will crumble because the anger on both sides is not dissipated. The wife was not able to let off ‘steam’ because she kept everything bottled up inside.
In this case, it is better if you bluntly confront the problem. Argue and fight if you need to.
At first, the two of you will be angry enough to confront each other. After you get everything out in the open, sound reasoning will rule and calmness will follow.
After the storm, the two of you should be reasonable enough to listen to each other then come up with a solution and make up. Do not worry, this may not always be the case. Your love for each other and the foundation that the two of you have established since you were married should help patch things up.
Just remember to avoid keeping your feelings all bottled up inside. If you do this, past hurts will return and might eventually cause a huge argument that will be even harder to resolve.
2. Wipe the slate clean once you make up
After the fight, make sure that you both know what started the argument in the first place.
You and your spouse might have entirely different reasons for being angry. Listen to each other and determine what caused the other to hurl accusations or hurtful words. If you are a husband exerting your ‘authority’ over your wife, she should know the way that you feel.
If your spouse was hurt by something that you did not actually mean to do. Try to explain that you would never intentionally do anything to cause her to be hurt or angry. This leads to the basis and foundation of your marriage which is mutual love and respect, and you could eventually patch things up.
3. Do not be afraid to admit if you are wrong
Pride in marriage has a very expensive price to pay. Do not put this pride between you and your spouse. If you are in the wrong, do not be afraid to admit it, then apologize.
Remember that you are together in spite of your individual differences. Go back to what brought you together in the first place and you can never go wrong.
By practicing these things and making it a habit to settle your fights before going to bed, you will have a solid and stable marriage that is based on trust and love.
Marriage is the ultimate consummation for two people who are in love. Your wedding is not the "happy ending" to your love story, instead, it is just the beginning of your life together.
For a married couple who is just starting out, petty fights and arguments can not be avoided. The first few years of your marriage will be the test to determine if you can actually “live” with each other’s bad or annoying habits. The strength of your love for each other will serve as the “building block” of the rest of your years together.
During petty fights, it is good to remember that having an argument is natural. You and your spouse are two different people and you can expect your individual personalities to clash.
Here are some ways you and your spouse, as a married couple, can strengthen your bond and improve your marriage:
1. Fight if you need to
This is when the rule mentioned above will apply. As a couple, you will have arguments, disagreements, and conflicts of interest. Even a minor thing like household chores can lead to disagreements.
The key to a ‘healthy’ argument is to get everything out in the open.
Take a look at this example. During a quarrel the husband may be given the ‘cold’ shoulder by his wife. The wife thinks that her spouse is not being sensitive enough when it comes to her needs. He is caught totally unaware, but when he tries to confront the issue head-on his wife gives him the ‘silent treatment’. Eventually, their marriage will crumble because the anger on both sides is not dissipated. The wife was not able to let off ‘steam’ because she kept everything bottled up inside.
In this case, it is better if you bluntly confront the problem. Argue and fight if you need to.
At first, the two of you will be angry enough to confront each other. After you get everything out in the open, sound reasoning will rule and calmness will follow.
After the storm, the two of you should be reasonable enough to listen to each other then come up with a solution and make up. Do not worry, this may not always be the case. Your love for each other and the foundation that the two of you have established since you were married should help patch things up.
Just remember to avoid keeping your feelings all bottled up inside. If you do this, past hurts will return and might eventually cause a huge argument that will be even harder to resolve.
2. Wipe the slate clean once you make up
After the fight, make sure that you both know what started the argument in the first place.
You and your spouse might have entirely different reasons for being angry. Listen to each other and determine what caused the other to hurl accusations or hurtful words. If you are a husband exerting your ‘authority’ over your wife, she should know the way that you feel.
If your spouse was hurt by something that you did not actually mean to do. Try to explain that you would never intentionally do anything to cause her to be hurt or angry. This leads to the basis and foundation of your marriage which is mutual love and respect, and you could eventually patch things up.
3. Do not be afraid to admit if you are wrong
Pride in marriage has a very expensive price to pay. Do not put this pride between you and your spouse. If you are in the wrong, do not be afraid to admit it, then apologize.
Remember that you are together in spite of your individual differences. Go back to what brought you together in the first place and you can never go wrong.
By practicing these things and making it a habit to settle your fights before going to bed, you will have a solid and stable marriage that is based on trust and love.
Make your Spouse Feel Special for Your Marriage to Last
Love is hemmed in by many marvelous things.
Love in marriage is a voluntary commitment of one’s self. It is a special feeling that no one can ever explain, and yet, it empowers the whole life of a person.
Certainly, if you love someone, you always want to make that special someone feel good about himself or herself. In marriage, it is also important for a person to make his or her spouse feel special in order to create a lasting marriage.
This is crucial if you do not want to be like the two million couples who end up in divorce every year. In fact, surveys show that almost 20% of married couples have the tendency to file for a divorce in the course of their first ten years of marriage.
So what is the problem here?
One of the main reasons is that some married couples have the propensity to have insecurities because they no longer feel the same “royalty treatment” that their partners had previously given them.
The only solution is to make your spouse feel the same love and affection that you have had from the time that you first laid your eyes on him or her. Make him or her fell special once more and keep that love burning so that your marriage will last.
Here is how:
1. Make spouse feel that you love him (or her) because you accept him as what he is, and not because of the things that surrounds him.
2. Never cease or fail to say, “I love you,” and be sincere when saying it.
Almost 20% of the married couples who end up in divorce contend that one of the reasons why they lost the love that they used to have is because they failed to make the other person feel and hear their love for each other.
Love should be more than words but it is still important to hear what you feel for your spouse.
3. Rendering some simple appreciations for the things that your spouse does is important.
The point that your other half knows that every effort that he or she makes is deeply appreciated is more than enough to make him (or her) special.
To be loved and to feel that you are loved are two different things. The first one is truth. The second one is an effective means of making your spouse feel that truth. It is on how one tries to make the other feel special and loved so that their marriage will last.
Love in marriage is a voluntary commitment of one’s self. It is a special feeling that no one can ever explain, and yet, it empowers the whole life of a person.
Certainly, if you love someone, you always want to make that special someone feel good about himself or herself. In marriage, it is also important for a person to make his or her spouse feel special in order to create a lasting marriage.
This is crucial if you do not want to be like the two million couples who end up in divorce every year. In fact, surveys show that almost 20% of married couples have the tendency to file for a divorce in the course of their first ten years of marriage.
So what is the problem here?
One of the main reasons is that some married couples have the propensity to have insecurities because they no longer feel the same “royalty treatment” that their partners had previously given them.
The only solution is to make your spouse feel the same love and affection that you have had from the time that you first laid your eyes on him or her. Make him or her fell special once more and keep that love burning so that your marriage will last.
Here is how:
1. Make spouse feel that you love him (or her) because you accept him as what he is, and not because of the things that surrounds him.
2. Never cease or fail to say, “I love you,” and be sincere when saying it.
Almost 20% of the married couples who end up in divorce contend that one of the reasons why they lost the love that they used to have is because they failed to make the other person feel and hear their love for each other.
Love should be more than words but it is still important to hear what you feel for your spouse.
3. Rendering some simple appreciations for the things that your spouse does is important.
The point that your other half knows that every effort that he or she makes is deeply appreciated is more than enough to make him (or her) special.
To be loved and to feel that you are loved are two different things. The first one is truth. The second one is an effective means of making your spouse feel that truth. It is on how one tries to make the other feel special and loved so that their marriage will last.
Traits Of Happy Married Couples
Based on statistics, successful marriages are becoming very rare. In fact, one in every three marriages usually ends up in divorce.
Married couples and experts do agree that the magical yet simple element in all relationships is the constant demonstration of one’s affection.
Researches show that what produces pleasure and contentment in one’s marriage was frequently demonstrating affection.
Happy married couples have reciprocal respect for each other. Respect is shown in the way they regard each other in actions and in words; withholding humiliating words even in an argument.
In marriage, couples give their relationship utmost importance. They enjoy each other’s company and spend quality time together, like dating regularly. This indicates prioritizing their relationship that plants a foundation for their future at such time as when children have to leave home.
Each spouse must learn not to give importance to minor faults and flaws; determine the really important issues and those that are not. They become aware that the purpose or their conflicts war not really to win, but rather to establish a deeper relationship.
Successful marriages are all not alike. But researchers have discovered that there are some traits present in happy married couples that contribute to the success of their marriage.
Traits that of happily married couples include:
1. Spouses in the relationship are giving. They give, not expecting things in return.
2. There is commitment between each of them. They continue to work for their partner’s happiness and are driven to work hard on their marriage.
3. Being strong-minded makes their bond stronger. While they cherish their individuality in expressing their opinions, making decisions and pursuing goals, putting their marital relationship in harmony is their priority.
4. These couples have active sexual lives. Sex plays a significant role in marriage, therefore they always find ways to make it more pleasurable.
5. There is constant communication in their marriage. They are free to share their thoughts and opinions about anything, each one not manipulative of the other but allowing each one to grow.
6. Each one is sensitive to the other’s need.
7. They establish goals together. They agree on their goals as “partners in life”.
Marriage is a commitment for courageous individuals ready to risk their emotions, hard work, and challenges of building a life together.
Married couples and experts do agree that the magical yet simple element in all relationships is the constant demonstration of one’s affection.
Researches show that what produces pleasure and contentment in one’s marriage was frequently demonstrating affection.
Happy married couples have reciprocal respect for each other. Respect is shown in the way they regard each other in actions and in words; withholding humiliating words even in an argument.
In marriage, couples give their relationship utmost importance. They enjoy each other’s company and spend quality time together, like dating regularly. This indicates prioritizing their relationship that plants a foundation for their future at such time as when children have to leave home.
Each spouse must learn not to give importance to minor faults and flaws; determine the really important issues and those that are not. They become aware that the purpose or their conflicts war not really to win, but rather to establish a deeper relationship.Successful marriages are all not alike. But researchers have discovered that there are some traits present in happy married couples that contribute to the success of their marriage.
Traits that of happily married couples include:
1. Spouses in the relationship are giving. They give, not expecting things in return.
2. There is commitment between each of them. They continue to work for their partner’s happiness and are driven to work hard on their marriage.
3. Being strong-minded makes their bond stronger. While they cherish their individuality in expressing their opinions, making decisions and pursuing goals, putting their marital relationship in harmony is their priority.
4. These couples have active sexual lives. Sex plays a significant role in marriage, therefore they always find ways to make it more pleasurable.
5. There is constant communication in their marriage. They are free to share their thoughts and opinions about anything, each one not manipulative of the other but allowing each one to grow.
6. Each one is sensitive to the other’s need.
7. They establish goals together. They agree on their goals as “partners in life”.
Marriage is a commitment for courageous individuals ready to risk their emotions, hard work, and challenges of building a life together.
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