If there's anything all those country love songs lament about, it's cheating. It's practically a cliché - country song, cheating... cheating... well you get the picture.
With the sheer number of cheating songs out there, one could develop the suspicion that maybe cheating does happen more often than we think.
Based on statistics, up to 75% of relationships will be tainted by unfaithfulness at one point or the other; and in 60% of these, the offended partner will not even know it's going on.
This might seem alarming but it's true and you know it. You probably know someone in your immediate circle of friends and family that's been unfaithful. Heck, you may have considered the thought at times.
But, before you become a love song casualty, is there anything you can do to cheat-proof your relationship?
Of course, there are no guarantees. What we hope to do, however, is to arm you and your partner with enough information, strategies and insights for you to actually make yourselves and your relationship STRONG enough to resist the temptation to cheat.
Read that statement again. It's saying what you think it is. The power to cheat-proof your relationship lies in how you and your partner can put in the effort to make whole, healthy, mature individuals in a whole, healthy, mature relationship.
And building this type of relationship requires information, strategies and insights that would change your attitudes towards each other and relationships in general. There, I've given the secret away.
Let's take it one element at a time.
INFORMATION
Many people think that if someone cheats in a relationship, they are born cheaters. Actually, this is not necessarily true. Sure there are those with chronic, psychological problems but those already require professional, clinical help and are beyond the scope of this newsletter.
In the everyday, run-of-the-mill marriage or relationship cheating is the product of a complex set of factors.
It could be partly behavioral - something from an individual's childhood, even social conditioning (i.e. it's there, you're a guy, take advantage) - but also, more often, a symptom of problems in the relationship.
Men and women also approach cheating differently. Men sometimes cheat because they are not getting sex at home or as avoidance of even bigger problems with their marriage. Women tend to cheat because they want to feel loved, valued and supported.
To begin cheat-proofing your relationship you have to arm yourself with this information. Know why people cheat in general and find out if these conditions could be present in your relationship.
It is important that hand in hand with this you get to know yourself very well.
Why would you do the things you do? What tendencies show up in your behavior?
Additionally, get to know your partner intimately - what are his or her motivations? Attitudes? Tendencies? What factors influence his or her behavior?
All in all, remember this: What you know, you can understand. What you understand, you can choose to keep or choose to change.
ATTITUDES
As you get to know yourself and your partner, take note of the negative attitudes that can actually trigger rather than hinder infidelity in your marriage. Studies have found that there are 2 most common negative attitudes: Jealousy and Perfectionism.
If you pay attention to these 2 attitudes, you'll discover that they both stem from insecurities and lack of self-esteem within OURSELVES. They are not products of our relationship. And, usually, our partner is not even to blame for what is lacking.
We view the world from a hazy perspective. With unwarranted jealousy, something in us fails to trust and always feels that our partner prefers someone else over us.
With perfectionism, we expect that our relationship will be the best it can ever be - placing undue expectations on it and on our partner that, realistically, they can never deliver. After all, in an imperfect world, you can only expect so much.
Become intimately acquainted with these two negative attitudes. Do you have one or the other? Do you find yourself reacting to your partner with these leading the way?
If so, STOP. As you get to know yourself, you have the opportunity to CHANGE yourself. It will only be for your own good and for the good of your relationship that you evolve into a positive, happy secure person.
STRATEGIES
Information, getting to know yourself and your partner... what are these for? Perhaps you fail to remember that the key words here are "cheat-proofing" and "relationship". You already have some background, now we expand on the how.
The only way to go about it could be summed up in this way. Make your relationship a QUALITY relationship. Make your relationship with your partner such a precious and valuable part of your life that cheating will no longer be an issue.
In the same way that you try to improve yourself, improve your relationship as well. You can begin with the simple and yet meaningful proposition: It's not just about you it's about your partner too.
Supporting, listening, understanding and being there for your partner are non-negotiables. Being there for each other demands a balance between improving yourself daily and looking out for the welfare of the other.
This includes keeping the lines of communication open between the two of you, developing the right communication tools necessary to remain honest and sincere with one another.
This requires prioritizing your relationship above your other social or familial obligations - which means you put your partner first - even above your children.
This means keeping all the aspects of your relationship intact and GROWING - intimacy, friendship, passion, companionship, respect, reverence. This means quality time and dates, loving acts and honest discussions.
Slacking off could mean growing apart, growing apart could mean allowing a third person to get in the way.
On the other hand, trying too hard may revert you to the old diseases of jealousy and perfectionism. This is why in maintaining your balance; you also have to keep your independence. It's ok to have some space and time apart. In fact, you will even appreciate each other more for it.
Giving each other the breathing room allows you to recharge your batteries and even continue with your work of self-improvement - which, as I said, would only prove beneficial for your relationship.
As we mentioned previously, there are no guarantees. Realistically speaking, however, we hope that these suggestions will give you and your marriage a fighting chance.
Of course, these are nothing without EFFORT. Cheat-proofing your relationship may not be easy but we know that it may just be WORTH IT.
Showing posts with label healthy marriage relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healthy marriage relationship. Show all posts
Looking at Communication Breakdown
It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.
This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don't know the first place to begin searching.
Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"
I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I'm very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.
I don't expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don't expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.
So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn't perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.
Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.
When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.
We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.
If you want to win back the love of your ex, then I highly recommend that you get yourself a copy of:
==> http://tinyurl.com/24kjxha
==> http://46a46m1bwnr3apbfmfrkmf-ccn.hop.clickbank.net/
This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don't know the first place to begin searching.
Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"
I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I'm very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.
I don't expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don't expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.
So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn't perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.
Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.
When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.
We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.
If you want to win back the love of your ex, then I highly recommend that you get yourself a copy of:
==> http://tinyurl.com/24kjxha
==> http://46a46m1bwnr3apbfmfrkmf-ccn.hop.clickbank.net/
Make your Spouse Feel Special for Your Marriage to Last
Love is hemmed in by many marvelous things.
Love in marriage is a voluntary commitment of one’s self. It is a special feeling that no one can ever explain, and yet, it empowers the whole life of a person.
Certainly, if you love someone, you always want to make that special someone feel good about himself or herself. In marriage, it is also important for a person to make his or her spouse feel special in order to create a lasting marriage.
This is crucial if you do not want to be like the two million couples who end up in divorce every year. In fact, surveys show that almost 20% of married couples have the tendency to file for a divorce in the course of their first ten years of marriage.
So what is the problem here?
One of the main reasons is that some married couples have the propensity to have insecurities because they no longer feel the same “royalty treatment” that their partners had previously given them.
The only solution is to make your spouse feel the same love and affection that you have had from the time that you first laid your eyes on him or her. Make him or her fell special once more and keep that love burning so that your marriage will last.
Here is how:
1. Make spouse feel that you love him (or her) because you accept him as what he is, and not because of the things that surrounds him.
2. Never cease or fail to say, “I love you,” and be sincere when saying it.
Almost 20% of the married couples who end up in divorce contend that one of the reasons why they lost the love that they used to have is because they failed to make the other person feel and hear their love for each other.
Love should be more than words but it is still important to hear what you feel for your spouse.
3. Rendering some simple appreciations for the things that your spouse does is important.
The point that your other half knows that every effort that he or she makes is deeply appreciated is more than enough to make him (or her) special.
To be loved and to feel that you are loved are two different things. The first one is truth. The second one is an effective means of making your spouse feel that truth. It is on how one tries to make the other feel special and loved so that their marriage will last.
Love in marriage is a voluntary commitment of one’s self. It is a special feeling that no one can ever explain, and yet, it empowers the whole life of a person.
Certainly, if you love someone, you always want to make that special someone feel good about himself or herself. In marriage, it is also important for a person to make his or her spouse feel special in order to create a lasting marriage.
This is crucial if you do not want to be like the two million couples who end up in divorce every year. In fact, surveys show that almost 20% of married couples have the tendency to file for a divorce in the course of their first ten years of marriage.
So what is the problem here?
One of the main reasons is that some married couples have the propensity to have insecurities because they no longer feel the same “royalty treatment” that their partners had previously given them.
The only solution is to make your spouse feel the same love and affection that you have had from the time that you first laid your eyes on him or her. Make him or her fell special once more and keep that love burning so that your marriage will last.
Here is how:
1. Make spouse feel that you love him (or her) because you accept him as what he is, and not because of the things that surrounds him.
2. Never cease or fail to say, “I love you,” and be sincere when saying it.
Almost 20% of the married couples who end up in divorce contend that one of the reasons why they lost the love that they used to have is because they failed to make the other person feel and hear their love for each other.
Love should be more than words but it is still important to hear what you feel for your spouse.
3. Rendering some simple appreciations for the things that your spouse does is important.
The point that your other half knows that every effort that he or she makes is deeply appreciated is more than enough to make him (or her) special.
To be loved and to feel that you are loved are two different things. The first one is truth. The second one is an effective means of making your spouse feel that truth. It is on how one tries to make the other feel special and loved so that their marriage will last.
Traits Of Happy Married Couples
Based on statistics, successful marriages are becoming very rare. In fact, one in every three marriages usually ends up in divorce.
Married couples and experts do agree that the magical yet simple element in all relationships is the constant demonstration of one’s affection.
Researches show that what produces pleasure and contentment in one’s marriage was frequently demonstrating affection.
Happy married couples have reciprocal respect for each other. Respect is shown in the way they regard each other in actions and in words; withholding humiliating words even in an argument.
In marriage, couples give their relationship utmost importance. They enjoy each other’s company and spend quality time together, like dating regularly. This indicates prioritizing their relationship that plants a foundation for their future at such time as when children have to leave home.
Each spouse must learn not to give importance to minor faults and flaws; determine the really important issues and those that are not. They become aware that the purpose or their conflicts war not really to win, but rather to establish a deeper relationship.
Successful marriages are all not alike. But researchers have discovered that there are some traits present in happy married couples that contribute to the success of their marriage.
Traits that of happily married couples include:
1. Spouses in the relationship are giving. They give, not expecting things in return.
2. There is commitment between each of them. They continue to work for their partner’s happiness and are driven to work hard on their marriage.
3. Being strong-minded makes their bond stronger. While they cherish their individuality in expressing their opinions, making decisions and pursuing goals, putting their marital relationship in harmony is their priority.
4. These couples have active sexual lives. Sex plays a significant role in marriage, therefore they always find ways to make it more pleasurable.
5. There is constant communication in their marriage. They are free to share their thoughts and opinions about anything, each one not manipulative of the other but allowing each one to grow.
6. Each one is sensitive to the other’s need.
7. They establish goals together. They agree on their goals as “partners in life”.
Marriage is a commitment for courageous individuals ready to risk their emotions, hard work, and challenges of building a life together.
Married couples and experts do agree that the magical yet simple element in all relationships is the constant demonstration of one’s affection.
Researches show that what produces pleasure and contentment in one’s marriage was frequently demonstrating affection.
Happy married couples have reciprocal respect for each other. Respect is shown in the way they regard each other in actions and in words; withholding humiliating words even in an argument.
In marriage, couples give their relationship utmost importance. They enjoy each other’s company and spend quality time together, like dating regularly. This indicates prioritizing their relationship that plants a foundation for their future at such time as when children have to leave home.
Each spouse must learn not to give importance to minor faults and flaws; determine the really important issues and those that are not. They become aware that the purpose or their conflicts war not really to win, but rather to establish a deeper relationship.Successful marriages are all not alike. But researchers have discovered that there are some traits present in happy married couples that contribute to the success of their marriage.
Traits that of happily married couples include:
1. Spouses in the relationship are giving. They give, not expecting things in return.
2. There is commitment between each of them. They continue to work for their partner’s happiness and are driven to work hard on their marriage.
3. Being strong-minded makes their bond stronger. While they cherish their individuality in expressing their opinions, making decisions and pursuing goals, putting their marital relationship in harmony is their priority.
4. These couples have active sexual lives. Sex plays a significant role in marriage, therefore they always find ways to make it more pleasurable.
5. There is constant communication in their marriage. They are free to share their thoughts and opinions about anything, each one not manipulative of the other but allowing each one to grow.
6. Each one is sensitive to the other’s need.
7. They establish goals together. They agree on their goals as “partners in life”.
Marriage is a commitment for courageous individuals ready to risk their emotions, hard work, and challenges of building a life together.
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