In all likelihood, your divorce will be remembered as one of the most painful and difficult times in your child's life. It is a massive psychological trauma that can have many unwanted emotional side effects and affect every aspect of their lives - at home and at school. With that said, there is no doubt that you want the best for your child, so here are a few things that you might be able to do to ease the process and make things easier.
Don't argue in front of your kids. This kind of negative behavior will only create more confusion and stress. This includes speaking badly about your ex-spouse and the all-to-common, and frequently unintentional, tendency for parents to make children choose sides in the divorce battle.
Another common tendency is for parents to make children into confidantes. This arises from a desire to be close to the child as well as an overwhelming need to talk about the situation, especially when appropriate therapy is not in place. This does nothing but harm the child, creating confusion and feelings of resentment and an emotional weight that becomes difficult to bear.
In the midst of the divorce it is also common to make promises to children that you know (or suspect) will be impossible to keep. Promising vacations and visitation that have not been cleared with the other party or the attorneys, or promising to come to events that will fall on days when you do not have visitation rights. This will be particularly hard on you, but it is simply part of the divorce process. Whatever temporary positive feelings will result from the lie, the long-term mistrust will far outweigh it.
Finally, even if you are a once-a-month parent, do not give up your status as an authority figure. However infrequent, you are still the parent, and it's important to fight a tendency to surrender this role in favor of attempting to win the child's love through spoiling him or her. Do not allow your child to stay up late, become disrespectful, or act as if they run the house. This will only cause trouble down the road.
With all that said, it's important to remember that there are some proactive steps that you can take to make your child's life easier.
Tell your child's teacher about the divorce and attempt to get therapy. Your child will probably need it, particularly if grades begin to slip or behavioral issues emerge.
While you're at it, get therapy for yourself. You may need it to help you deal with your feelings and stress. You will need to be emotionally healthy if you hope to help your child to be emotionally healthy. This will also help you in keeping your problems away from your kids and not burdening them with your emotional baggage.
Finally, but foremost, always remember to keep the needs of your child before your own needs. Act as a unified front with your ex, even if you are no longer on speaking terms. Define a plan for your parenting that will address your child's needs and also (if possible) allow equal access to the children. This will help with the most important aspect of parenting, which is staying involved.
Showing posts with label avoid divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label avoid divorce. Show all posts
Knowing if you should get back together after a split
Separation is a serious issue, and not every trial separation will result in renewed feelings of love and understanding. Many, if not most, will show the couple that their lives are on different paths and that a divorce will be the best option.
But how do you know whether you should get back together or not? It's one of the most profoundly important decisions you could possibly make in life, and certainly the most important you will ever make in the life of your marriage.
Well first, if you're going to embark on a trial separation, make sure that it's structured in a way that will not create more resentment than necessary. Make sure that all aspects of the separation are negotiated, financial arrangements are made, visitation with the kids is scheduled, and most importantly, make sure that your spouse understands that a trial separation will not necessarily doom the marriage or lead to divorce. Making sure that the beginning of a separation is set up in this way will reduce additional stresses so that you and your partner can focus on the real relationship issues at hand.
Also, make sure that there is a plan in place for doing emotional work. Make sure that you both know why the separation is taking place and what it is exactly you are both supposed to be working out through this time apart. This way, when it's time to evaluate the time you've spent apart and the emotional work you've done, it won't be clouded with other elements, stresses, or resentments.
Now, after a certain prearranged period of time has passed, examine your feelings honestly and frankly. After a few months, you will undoubtedly begin developing feelings about whether you should remain in the marriage or call it quits, but it's good to refrain from acting on these feelings until the entire separation period has passed.
One of the most important elements in coming to a decision is whether anything fundamental has changed. Frequently, a couple will feel a renewed surge of sexual attraction and romance after being apart. This is a good sign - but if the core issues that drove you apart to begin with haven't been remedied, or at least addressed, they will resurface and cause the same problems again.
If you decide that continuing the relationship will result in a dead end scenario, with no hope for improvement, then it's best to cut your losses, find emotional support to get you through the divorce, and move on. On the other hand, if you decide to get back together, be sure to lay the groundwork for a healthy and renewed relationship.
Begin by spending more and more time together, avoiding a situation in which you simply move back in together immediately. This will ease you both back into the rhythms of a marriage
Most importantly, don't expect everything to be perfect. All marriages have their problems, and you and your spouse will continue to have setbacks, but a mutual understanding of problems and issues and a commitment to solve them is really what matters.
But how do you know whether you should get back together or not? It's one of the most profoundly important decisions you could possibly make in life, and certainly the most important you will ever make in the life of your marriage.
Well first, if you're going to embark on a trial separation, make sure that it's structured in a way that will not create more resentment than necessary. Make sure that all aspects of the separation are negotiated, financial arrangements are made, visitation with the kids is scheduled, and most importantly, make sure that your spouse understands that a trial separation will not necessarily doom the marriage or lead to divorce. Making sure that the beginning of a separation is set up in this way will reduce additional stresses so that you and your partner can focus on the real relationship issues at hand.
Also, make sure that there is a plan in place for doing emotional work. Make sure that you both know why the separation is taking place and what it is exactly you are both supposed to be working out through this time apart. This way, when it's time to evaluate the time you've spent apart and the emotional work you've done, it won't be clouded with other elements, stresses, or resentments.
Now, after a certain prearranged period of time has passed, examine your feelings honestly and frankly. After a few months, you will undoubtedly begin developing feelings about whether you should remain in the marriage or call it quits, but it's good to refrain from acting on these feelings until the entire separation period has passed.
One of the most important elements in coming to a decision is whether anything fundamental has changed. Frequently, a couple will feel a renewed surge of sexual attraction and romance after being apart. This is a good sign - but if the core issues that drove you apart to begin with haven't been remedied, or at least addressed, they will resurface and cause the same problems again.
If you decide that continuing the relationship will result in a dead end scenario, with no hope for improvement, then it's best to cut your losses, find emotional support to get you through the divorce, and move on. On the other hand, if you decide to get back together, be sure to lay the groundwork for a healthy and renewed relationship.
Begin by spending more and more time together, avoiding a situation in which you simply move back in together immediately. This will ease you both back into the rhythms of a marriage
Most importantly, don't expect everything to be perfect. All marriages have their problems, and you and your spouse will continue to have setbacks, but a mutual understanding of problems and issues and a commitment to solve them is really what matters.
Recognizing marital conflicts and solving them fast
Annie and Glenn were considered the perfect couple of the year when they were married in a small but picturesque chapel in Santa Monica two years ago. Annie was a 24 year old career girl while Glenn was on his way to becoming a successful lawyer.
That was then when they were still carefree individuals who got involved in their relationship for a little fun and companionship. Marriage has made a very big difference in their lives. It seems to have ruined what they call magic.
Both have attained their career goals. Annie now writes her own column in a business magazine while Glenn has been recruited by a top notch law firm. Their careers are going great; their marriage however is another story.
Both are so busy with their own lives that they seem to have started growing apart. Most of their hours are spent at work, and on the rare occasions they see each other, they spend much of it in a shouting match.
Annie and Glenn's dilemma is not uncommon to many married couple; in fact it is the rule rather than the exception. Married couples sometimes ask themselves why they are capable of doing things that could hurt the other spouse, despite the fact that they love each other so much.
It is true when they say it is the person you love the most that can hurt you the most. This is true for most married couple who have not yet found a way to settle their differences and live with their then.
Arguments are part and parcel of being married but it is up to the couple to find ways to lessen the frequency and the intensity of the argument. Sometimes, couples think having the same argument over and over again is a normal thing in marriage. Of course, it is a normal thing but it should not be a so.
Common sources of conflict among married couples
It is hard to live with another person because each one has his own personality and each person was brought up by their families differently. Conflicts arise when two personalities and two ways of life merge - each one wanting to be dominant.
The main reason married couples have arguments is because they are two different people forced to live physically together, regardless of their quirks and personality. Unless you are a boring creature who does not want surprises, then you would find it fun to live with a person who is just like you and so predictable that you do not even speak to each other because one is aware of what other is thinking. Others believe differently, believing that when two people are so alike there is no need for the other,
But there are specific issues that are pointed to as the common source of conflict and argument among married couples.
1. Money - Who does not need money? Of course everyone does, and the lack of excess of financial means will always serve as a launching pad for conflict. A couple who does not have enough money will have conflicts with budgeting and managing their finances. On the other hand, a couple who have plenty of resources will still quarrel over how the money is being spent..
2. Jealousy - A jealous lover adds sizzle to romance but when jealousy goes overboard it can make your married life miserable. A little jealousy will help make the relationship exciting but too much of it will alienate one spouse from the jealous spouse. People who have jealous spouses tend to curtail their emotional and intellectual development.
3. Sex - The lack or excess of sexual activity is also a source of conflict for married couples. Couples who have the same sexual preferences are lucky. For most couples incompatibility of their sexual desires is often the underlying reason for conflicts that are manifested in other ways.
4. In-laws - There are couples who incessantly quarrel just because of domineering in-laws who are interfering with the marriage. A couple may be living away from the in-laws but there are ways in-laws manage to ruin the marriage. It is really up to the spouses to inform their own families about the limitation that are to be observed to keep the marriage healthy and far from in-laws interference.
5. Responsibility - Who is in charge of cleaning the house? Who is in charge of paying for the monthly bills or the groceries? These are little things that boil down to the delegation of responsibilities between the spouses. It will be good if spouses can talk about who should be responsible for all the things necessary to keep the marriage on an even keel..
There are other sources of conflict, most of them originating from the basic sources of conflict. Couples should be aware of the things that cause conflict between them so they can find a common solution to those conflicts. Being aware of conflicts and confronting them the as soon as possible will help the marriage and will avoid recurrence of such conflicts later on.
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
That was then when they were still carefree individuals who got involved in their relationship for a little fun and companionship. Marriage has made a very big difference in their lives. It seems to have ruined what they call magic.
Both have attained their career goals. Annie now writes her own column in a business magazine while Glenn has been recruited by a top notch law firm. Their careers are going great; their marriage however is another story.
Both are so busy with their own lives that they seem to have started growing apart. Most of their hours are spent at work, and on the rare occasions they see each other, they spend much of it in a shouting match.
Annie and Glenn's dilemma is not uncommon to many married couple; in fact it is the rule rather than the exception. Married couples sometimes ask themselves why they are capable of doing things that could hurt the other spouse, despite the fact that they love each other so much.
It is true when they say it is the person you love the most that can hurt you the most. This is true for most married couple who have not yet found a way to settle their differences and live with their then.
Arguments are part and parcel of being married but it is up to the couple to find ways to lessen the frequency and the intensity of the argument. Sometimes, couples think having the same argument over and over again is a normal thing in marriage. Of course, it is a normal thing but it should not be a so.Common sources of conflict among married couples
It is hard to live with another person because each one has his own personality and each person was brought up by their families differently. Conflicts arise when two personalities and two ways of life merge - each one wanting to be dominant.
The main reason married couples have arguments is because they are two different people forced to live physically together, regardless of their quirks and personality. Unless you are a boring creature who does not want surprises, then you would find it fun to live with a person who is just like you and so predictable that you do not even speak to each other because one is aware of what other is thinking. Others believe differently, believing that when two people are so alike there is no need for the other,
But there are specific issues that are pointed to as the common source of conflict and argument among married couples.
1. Money - Who does not need money? Of course everyone does, and the lack of excess of financial means will always serve as a launching pad for conflict. A couple who does not have enough money will have conflicts with budgeting and managing their finances. On the other hand, a couple who have plenty of resources will still quarrel over how the money is being spent..
2. Jealousy - A jealous lover adds sizzle to romance but when jealousy goes overboard it can make your married life miserable. A little jealousy will help make the relationship exciting but too much of it will alienate one spouse from the jealous spouse. People who have jealous spouses tend to curtail their emotional and intellectual development.
3. Sex - The lack or excess of sexual activity is also a source of conflict for married couples. Couples who have the same sexual preferences are lucky. For most couples incompatibility of their sexual desires is often the underlying reason for conflicts that are manifested in other ways.
4. In-laws - There are couples who incessantly quarrel just because of domineering in-laws who are interfering with the marriage. A couple may be living away from the in-laws but there are ways in-laws manage to ruin the marriage. It is really up to the spouses to inform their own families about the limitation that are to be observed to keep the marriage healthy and far from in-laws interference.
5. Responsibility - Who is in charge of cleaning the house? Who is in charge of paying for the monthly bills or the groceries? These are little things that boil down to the delegation of responsibilities between the spouses. It will be good if spouses can talk about who should be responsible for all the things necessary to keep the marriage on an even keel..
There are other sources of conflict, most of them originating from the basic sources of conflict. Couples should be aware of the things that cause conflict between them so they can find a common solution to those conflicts. Being aware of conflicts and confronting them the as soon as possible will help the marriage and will avoid recurrence of such conflicts later on.
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Tips For Avoiding A Divorce
If you have a marriage in trouble but you want to avoid divorce, you should know that you have great options for saving the relationship. The exact resources and tools used to put the broken pieces back together will depend on the reason for the problem. As an example, if your wife or husband was unfaithful, counseling can often help sort things out. Therefore, prior to doing anything, you need to identity the reason for the problem in the first place.
Other than infidelity, couples struggle with financial issues, which is a huge factor that can lead to divorce. Typically, both couples work full-time, which helps pay for the house, car, raising kids, paying bills, and even vacation. Unfortunately, many couples overextend, meaning they live on borrowed money. Of all factors, credit cards are the most common problem.
When more money goes out than comes in, massive stress takes over, leading to fights. Before long, the husband and wife are disagreeing on who makes more, what should or should not be purchased, who was at fault, and so on. Then to make matters worse, phone calls and collection companies begin to call wanting to know where the mortgage, car, or credit payment are. For the married couple, it soon becomes too much to handle.
If you find that you and your spouse are on the verge of divorce specific to problems with finances, for the sake of the marriage, go visit a finance advisor or credit counseling company to help get things back on track. In this case, counselors would act as the go-between for you and your creditors. In fact, these counselors are professionals who help set up a repayment plan and then work on a budget for the future.
Just because a married couple is having financial problems does not mean divorce is imminent. In fact, using a mediator or counselor can be a huge assistance. The reason is that the blame-game ends so the problem can reach a solution. Start by putting any differences aside and stop blaming each other. Then, create a solid plan for getting out of debt while also saving money.
Most importantly, to avoid divorce, start communicating. Unless you talk, you can never work things out. Keep in mind that good communication does not mean yelling, it means talking as adults. Therefore, take time so the two of you can sit down face-to-face to discuss the current situation, regardless of the problem. If anger is too high, the services of a professional marriage counselor can help. Just remind yourself that it takes time but with dedication and determination, divorce can be avoided.
*****************************
Find out how to avoid divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Other than infidelity, couples struggle with financial issues, which is a huge factor that can lead to divorce. Typically, both couples work full-time, which helps pay for the house, car, raising kids, paying bills, and even vacation. Unfortunately, many couples overextend, meaning they live on borrowed money. Of all factors, credit cards are the most common problem.
When more money goes out than comes in, massive stress takes over, leading to fights. Before long, the husband and wife are disagreeing on who makes more, what should or should not be purchased, who was at fault, and so on. Then to make matters worse, phone calls and collection companies begin to call wanting to know where the mortgage, car, or credit payment are. For the married couple, it soon becomes too much to handle.
If you find that you and your spouse are on the verge of divorce specific to problems with finances, for the sake of the marriage, go visit a finance advisor or credit counseling company to help get things back on track. In this case, counselors would act as the go-between for you and your creditors. In fact, these counselors are professionals who help set up a repayment plan and then work on a budget for the future.
Just because a married couple is having financial problems does not mean divorce is imminent. In fact, using a mediator or counselor can be a huge assistance. The reason is that the blame-game ends so the problem can reach a solution. Start by putting any differences aside and stop blaming each other. Then, create a solid plan for getting out of debt while also saving money.
Most importantly, to avoid divorce, start communicating. Unless you talk, you can never work things out. Keep in mind that good communication does not mean yelling, it means talking as adults. Therefore, take time so the two of you can sit down face-to-face to discuss the current situation, regardless of the problem. If anger is too high, the services of a professional marriage counselor can help. Just remind yourself that it takes time but with dedication and determination, divorce can be avoided.
*****************************
Find out how to avoid divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
The Price of a Divorce
It seems cruel that amid all the emotional struggles a divorce brings with it, money has to be such a tremendous burden and source of added anxiety. Divorces have many costs, some more tangible than others. This is an article about the tangible toll that a failed marriage has and tips on what to expect and how to cope a divorce.
From the reallocation of property and debt to child support to taxes to retirement planning, there are a slew of financial issues that are intertwined with most divorces. Chances are you and your spouse share a lot of assets, from furniture to stocks to pets! You might even have a sentimental attachment to some of them. Unless the two of you agree on how to divide all the property up, you might have to brush off on your bartering skills. Some parting couples even opt to sell all the property at once and divide the profits.
While that comfortable sofa and antique dresser might be in demand, the debt you two shared certainly won't be. A joint credit report deserves a good look as you and your lawyer(s) determine what's fair. As you distribute the debt, try to cap off whatever debt you currently have. Divorce is expensive and you want to deflate the financial burden as much as you can today. Again, more bartering may be in order here. Take on more debt in exchange for more assets, or vice versa. If you have an open mind and cooperate, you'll likely come to a fair divorce settlement. It's not unusual for a divorcing couple to split the debt right down the middle.
Surprisingly, you're going to have some new tax issues to think about too. If you have dependents, which person will get that tax exemption from now on? Many other tax exemptions and deductibles that you probably took for granted as a married couple will need to be reevaluated after a divorce.
Not to mention, child support and alimony! These issues are highly variable and personable but they are going to be big ones if you and your former spouse have children together.
Men sometimes have great financial difficulties affording child support, but statistics show it's newly single mothers that have the most money problems. This is especially evident when a woman must suddenly afford childcare or is swept into a new work environment; kids typically must adjust to a lower standard of living, just like their parents, after a divorce.
An entire family structure gets disrupted during a divorce and that has not only an effect on the personal relationships, but on the overall economic situation of all involved. And these financial issues are deep and complex and have enduring effects.
The best advice for you, the soon-to-be-divorced, is to remind yourself the financial turmoil is only temporary and it can be dealt with the most adequately if you can keep your cool and think practically. While it's tempting, dividing up property and debt is probably not a time for vengeance or proving a point. The divorce will go quicker and more amicably if you try to stay as calm and rational as possible!
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
From the reallocation of property and debt to child support to taxes to retirement planning, there are a slew of financial issues that are intertwined with most divorces. Chances are you and your spouse share a lot of assets, from furniture to stocks to pets! You might even have a sentimental attachment to some of them. Unless the two of you agree on how to divide all the property up, you might have to brush off on your bartering skills. Some parting couples even opt to sell all the property at once and divide the profits.
While that comfortable sofa and antique dresser might be in demand, the debt you two shared certainly won't be. A joint credit report deserves a good look as you and your lawyer(s) determine what's fair. As you distribute the debt, try to cap off whatever debt you currently have. Divorce is expensive and you want to deflate the financial burden as much as you can today. Again, more bartering may be in order here. Take on more debt in exchange for more assets, or vice versa. If you have an open mind and cooperate, you'll likely come to a fair divorce settlement. It's not unusual for a divorcing couple to split the debt right down the middle.
Surprisingly, you're going to have some new tax issues to think about too. If you have dependents, which person will get that tax exemption from now on? Many other tax exemptions and deductibles that you probably took for granted as a married couple will need to be reevaluated after a divorce.
Not to mention, child support and alimony! These issues are highly variable and personable but they are going to be big ones if you and your former spouse have children together.
Men sometimes have great financial difficulties affording child support, but statistics show it's newly single mothers that have the most money problems. This is especially evident when a woman must suddenly afford childcare or is swept into a new work environment; kids typically must adjust to a lower standard of living, just like their parents, after a divorce.
An entire family structure gets disrupted during a divorce and that has not only an effect on the personal relationships, but on the overall economic situation of all involved. And these financial issues are deep and complex and have enduring effects.
The best advice for you, the soon-to-be-divorced, is to remind yourself the financial turmoil is only temporary and it can be dealt with the most adequately if you can keep your cool and think practically. While it's tempting, dividing up property and debt is probably not a time for vengeance or proving a point. The divorce will go quicker and more amicably if you try to stay as calm and rational as possible!
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Quiz Yourself - Will You Survive Break-Up?
I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking -up. This is a typical statement from a person facing break-up. How to survive after a break-up? Will you survive a break-up? Why not quiz yourself about it?
The immediate effect of the break-up would be pain. Will you be able to take the pain? The pain would go away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact will be high. You will have to gather all your energy and tolerate the pain.
The second effect would be bitterness and blame. You will non stop think about the behavior of your ex partner and fix blame everywhere. You will recap all the arguments and fights and there will be a large amount of self-talk about how you were ditched. That will not be a pleasant experience. You will have to find way out of all this by spending quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy. Are you ready for that?
The major effect would be the temptation to join immediately with anew partner. This can work both the ways. Some people never wish to form a relationship again after undergoing the trauma, while some want to form a relationship as soon as possible to forget the earlier one. Both of theses choices carry danger. The best alternative is to wait for sometime and when you find your stability and self esteem back, try and form another relationship. Are you ready for this?
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
The immediate effect of the break-up would be pain. Will you be able to take the pain? The pain would go away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact will be high. You will have to gather all your energy and tolerate the pain.
The second effect would be bitterness and blame. You will non stop think about the behavior of your ex partner and fix blame everywhere. You will recap all the arguments and fights and there will be a large amount of self-talk about how you were ditched. That will not be a pleasant experience. You will have to find way out of all this by spending quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy. Are you ready for that?
The major effect would be the temptation to join immediately with anew partner. This can work both the ways. Some people never wish to form a relationship again after undergoing the trauma, while some want to form a relationship as soon as possible to forget the earlier one. Both of theses choices carry danger. The best alternative is to wait for sometime and when you find your stability and self esteem back, try and form another relationship. Are you ready for this?
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Stop Divorce
From my experience couple trying to Stop Divorce are faced with many challenges, some of these issues and challenges are often very surprising. One of the people who visited my site sent me an email saying that I would not believe how easy it was to work on some parts of the prevent divorce issue, and that the hardest thing he and his wife faced was breaking the old habits, changing the way they conducted themselves, the automatic pilot that drives relationships into walls.
This is what this article is about, trying to notice the point in which you lose control over your target (preventing and stopping your divorce) and let the auto pilot drive your relationship into a difficult spot. Shedding light on a few points, I hope that you will be better equipped the next time you are facing an argument or even a discussion.
First point, is almost too easy, the blame game. How easy is this? Now honestly, think about it, almost everyone does it, and you have done it many times before, you play this stupid little game, get yourself wrapped around this idea and lose control, not only escalating the situation but getting into a mindset of blaming and anger, this would not help you, or anyone for that matter, achieve anything. What you really need to do is examine the situation, think about what you did, or what you usually do, and what your spouse does, and be as objective as you can. Make a table with the things you both do, never forget to notice the things that you do wrong, because everyone does something wrong, and admit it, to yourself and to your spouse.
Second, the “you are overreacting” sentence. How helpful was that?, men tend to say this to woman a lot, but I saw a few woman do that too, and this is a nasty one, not only do you judge your spouse, you are also criticizing their response, like you have any right to. Think about it for a moment, I am sure you will understand that this is a terrible thing to say and that in no case should you even consider saying this, take things at face value, if your partner is angry, focus on why he or she got to this situation and deal with it, don’t push it away and award the what you think is an exaggerated reaction level to your partner.
Children or family issues, this is an extremely delicate issue. Using children as weapons in arguments and fights is something a lot of people do, a classic example of losing control and saying things you live to regret for a long time. A clear stop sign, if you can see it while you are angry and upset, in a middle of an argument, try your best to avoid using your children or other family members in fights.
One last point which is the general advice I can give, when discussing things with your spouse, or even when arguing or fighting, try and make the situation even, try and balance the power and the objectivity of the situation. This means that no one has clear control over the discussion, that it is a free – equal power debate between two people and not a lecture or verbal beating to one or another person.
In the next article I will discuss these issues further, good luck saving your relationship and stop divorce.
***********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
This is what this article is about, trying to notice the point in which you lose control over your target (preventing and stopping your divorce) and let the auto pilot drive your relationship into a difficult spot. Shedding light on a few points, I hope that you will be better equipped the next time you are facing an argument or even a discussion.
First point, is almost too easy, the blame game. How easy is this? Now honestly, think about it, almost everyone does it, and you have done it many times before, you play this stupid little game, get yourself wrapped around this idea and lose control, not only escalating the situation but getting into a mindset of blaming and anger, this would not help you, or anyone for that matter, achieve anything. What you really need to do is examine the situation, think about what you did, or what you usually do, and what your spouse does, and be as objective as you can. Make a table with the things you both do, never forget to notice the things that you do wrong, because everyone does something wrong, and admit it, to yourself and to your spouse.
Second, the “you are overreacting” sentence. How helpful was that?, men tend to say this to woman a lot, but I saw a few woman do that too, and this is a nasty one, not only do you judge your spouse, you are also criticizing their response, like you have any right to. Think about it for a moment, I am sure you will understand that this is a terrible thing to say and that in no case should you even consider saying this, take things at face value, if your partner is angry, focus on why he or she got to this situation and deal with it, don’t push it away and award the what you think is an exaggerated reaction level to your partner.
Children or family issues, this is an extremely delicate issue. Using children as weapons in arguments and fights is something a lot of people do, a classic example of losing control and saying things you live to regret for a long time. A clear stop sign, if you can see it while you are angry and upset, in a middle of an argument, try your best to avoid using your children or other family members in fights.
One last point which is the general advice I can give, when discussing things with your spouse, or even when arguing or fighting, try and make the situation even, try and balance the power and the objectivity of the situation. This means that no one has clear control over the discussion, that it is a free – equal power debate between two people and not a lecture or verbal beating to one or another person.
In the next article I will discuss these issues further, good luck saving your relationship and stop divorce.
***********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Prevent Divorce Basics
Your marriage is in trouble, and you know that even though you want to get it all over with that you still love your partner and that you will probably regret your actions in the near future, the action needed is clear- you need to prevent divorce.
Divorce is not the answer, and rushing into one is a big mistake, the divorce process will eliminate your chances of rebuilding your relationship, so you better consider this move carefully and be absolutely sure that you have exhausted all the means and ways to improve your relationship.
Your spouse does not understand you, and both of you are not communicating any more, it seems as though there is a huge gap between you, that even the smallest things makes you upset about each other, and that what was once easy and fun has now become unbearable. Preventing divorce is not about compromise, preventing divorce is about rediscovering your relationship.
The changes in relationships seem almost impossible, from once passionate lovers that could not bare being apart couples change into two different people that sometimes seek the opportunity to be as separate from one another as possible. The dangers of the growing distance between couple raises questions in their minds and in many cases this ends in a divorce.
Every person is different, every couple has its own unique story, but the bottom line is usually this – one or both partners think that it is impossible to turn the relationship into something that will flourish again, with the hope of regaining the love of the other lost the partners turn into the simplest and what seems like the easiest solution, instead of fighting and arguing over and over again, the clean cut divorce looks like a good solution.
Sometimes and in some cases this is probably the best way to go, divorce for some couples is the best answer to a hopeless situation. But if you are one of the many people who feel that not all hope is gone and that you wish to continue building the relationship you have with your partner, who at a certain time was the closest to you, this is the place to start looking inwards and outwards and work to regain your harmoniums loving relationship once again.
Good relationships start with good communication, it is almost sure that you once had a relationship with good communication, you can probably remember the days when you didn’t have enough time with your spouse to talk about all the plans you had for your life and to share your thoughts? How long has it been now? How many years since you last had a really good communication exchange? After you’ve exhausted the discussion about the children’s schedule, who has to drop off the dry cleaning and when you will visit your in-laws, do you find yourself at a loss for words?
You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with either of you. You are probably just mired in everyday life and because your daily schedule is so hectic, over the years you simply ran out of time for casual and enjoyable discussion. And, now you can’t even remember how to even talk to your spouse, stopping or preventing a divorce will mean that you will need to rethink the way you communicate.
Good communication is not so hard and it is vital for preventing a divorce, it is just plain simple work, until you get used to it. Instead of talking about the regular things, you will need to think a little harder and try a lot harder. Talk about real things, not the work routine and the children’s activities think of things you want to talk about, you’ll find yourself anxious to get home to share the information with your spouse. Avoid the topics that do not interest you spouse, remember that this is about the both of you, and what you find interesting, just finding this topic will earn you points for trying, do not plan ahead too much – just let yourself into a discussion about things you have not discussed for long.
Listen to the news in the morning or on your way to work. When you are listening, try to focus on those things you think your spouse would find interesting. What would she tell you about? Then ask her if she heard the story, and what she thought about it.
Talk about things you want to plan or do over the next month or two. Vacation planning is a good topic, but only if you are both looking forward to going and if you are both actively involved in planning for the vacation.
Preventing divorce is a complicated issue – not impossible one. You will need to invest time and energy into you marriage now, and do everything you can to prevent divorce. Good luck!.
***********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Divorce is not the answer, and rushing into one is a big mistake, the divorce process will eliminate your chances of rebuilding your relationship, so you better consider this move carefully and be absolutely sure that you have exhausted all the means and ways to improve your relationship.
Your spouse does not understand you, and both of you are not communicating any more, it seems as though there is a huge gap between you, that even the smallest things makes you upset about each other, and that what was once easy and fun has now become unbearable. Preventing divorce is not about compromise, preventing divorce is about rediscovering your relationship.
The changes in relationships seem almost impossible, from once passionate lovers that could not bare being apart couples change into two different people that sometimes seek the opportunity to be as separate from one another as possible. The dangers of the growing distance between couple raises questions in their minds and in many cases this ends in a divorce.
Every person is different, every couple has its own unique story, but the bottom line is usually this – one or both partners think that it is impossible to turn the relationship into something that will flourish again, with the hope of regaining the love of the other lost the partners turn into the simplest and what seems like the easiest solution, instead of fighting and arguing over and over again, the clean cut divorce looks like a good solution.
Sometimes and in some cases this is probably the best way to go, divorce for some couples is the best answer to a hopeless situation. But if you are one of the many people who feel that not all hope is gone and that you wish to continue building the relationship you have with your partner, who at a certain time was the closest to you, this is the place to start looking inwards and outwards and work to regain your harmoniums loving relationship once again.
Good relationships start with good communication, it is almost sure that you once had a relationship with good communication, you can probably remember the days when you didn’t have enough time with your spouse to talk about all the plans you had for your life and to share your thoughts? How long has it been now? How many years since you last had a really good communication exchange? After you’ve exhausted the discussion about the children’s schedule, who has to drop off the dry cleaning and when you will visit your in-laws, do you find yourself at a loss for words?
You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with either of you. You are probably just mired in everyday life and because your daily schedule is so hectic, over the years you simply ran out of time for casual and enjoyable discussion. And, now you can’t even remember how to even talk to your spouse, stopping or preventing a divorce will mean that you will need to rethink the way you communicate.
Good communication is not so hard and it is vital for preventing a divorce, it is just plain simple work, until you get used to it. Instead of talking about the regular things, you will need to think a little harder and try a lot harder. Talk about real things, not the work routine and the children’s activities think of things you want to talk about, you’ll find yourself anxious to get home to share the information with your spouse. Avoid the topics that do not interest you spouse, remember that this is about the both of you, and what you find interesting, just finding this topic will earn you points for trying, do not plan ahead too much – just let yourself into a discussion about things you have not discussed for long.
Listen to the news in the morning or on your way to work. When you are listening, try to focus on those things you think your spouse would find interesting. What would she tell you about? Then ask her if she heard the story, and what she thought about it.
Talk about things you want to plan or do over the next month or two. Vacation planning is a good topic, but only if you are both looking forward to going and if you are both actively involved in planning for the vacation.
Preventing divorce is a complicated issue – not impossible one. You will need to invest time and energy into you marriage now, and do everything you can to prevent divorce. Good luck!.
***********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Reconcile or Move On, How to Decide
Should I Reconcile? You are older and wiser now, with an experience or two, and a decision to make.
Your desire to reconcile is often a desire to live the dream. To revive your passions and the hopes you lived in the beginning. To return to 'Go' and start over with a new role of the dice.
Perhaps reconciliation is not your own desire, but forced upon you like a load of dirty laundry. Forced upon you by silent and sullen children. Forced upon you by a repentant spouse, full of promises and needs greater than your own. Forced upon you by family, religion, and tradition of the day.
Should I reconcile? Should I accept the hurt, the pain, and call it a day? Can I face the unknown, or is there more comfort in this familiar but battered arena? Yes, you are older and wiser now, with a decision to make.
How to decide
Take a blank piece of paper, any paper, and if you are inclined you can create a spreadsheet or flow chart, it matters not the medium. Across the top draw a single line, and down the centre draw another line. At the top on one side write the word STAY. The other side gets MOVE ON.
There is no secret or trick to this; simply write down every reason or excuse for saving or ending your marriage. This writer remembers being asked to make a list of all the possible uses for the lowly paper clip. Writing down one use leads to another and another, the list reached 50 ideas within two minuets. At another table their list numbered 110. The point my friend is to just jot down, pro and con. Your list might take a life of its own, growing hour by hour, day by day.
At least three things will happen.
- You will come to a decision.
- You will have clearer understanding of the issues.
- You have the beginnings of a course of action
Staying means taking action and making one more commitment to your marriage. That commitment is not yours alone. You both have issues to resolve. It is not prudent to take the easy road by ducking the issues. Face them head on. Pay the price in the currency of hard work and honest communication, without it couples often fall back into old habits. A recommendable course of action is joint marriage counseling, and in many cases joint financial counseling.
Moving on means acceptance, and closes the option of going back into the marriage. While it may be sad, it also frees you to look to your future without the complications of all the "what if's". Moving on can be like passing Go and collecting your $200, knowing the next trip around the block might be better than the last.
********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Your desire to reconcile is often a desire to live the dream. To revive your passions and the hopes you lived in the beginning. To return to 'Go' and start over with a new role of the dice.
Perhaps reconciliation is not your own desire, but forced upon you like a load of dirty laundry. Forced upon you by silent and sullen children. Forced upon you by a repentant spouse, full of promises and needs greater than your own. Forced upon you by family, religion, and tradition of the day.
Should I reconcile? Should I accept the hurt, the pain, and call it a day? Can I face the unknown, or is there more comfort in this familiar but battered arena? Yes, you are older and wiser now, with a decision to make.
How to decide
Take a blank piece of paper, any paper, and if you are inclined you can create a spreadsheet or flow chart, it matters not the medium. Across the top draw a single line, and down the centre draw another line. At the top on one side write the word STAY. The other side gets MOVE ON.
There is no secret or trick to this; simply write down every reason or excuse for saving or ending your marriage. This writer remembers being asked to make a list of all the possible uses for the lowly paper clip. Writing down one use leads to another and another, the list reached 50 ideas within two minuets. At another table their list numbered 110. The point my friend is to just jot down, pro and con. Your list might take a life of its own, growing hour by hour, day by day.
At least three things will happen.
- You will come to a decision.
- You will have clearer understanding of the issues.
- You have the beginnings of a course of action
Staying means taking action and making one more commitment to your marriage. That commitment is not yours alone. You both have issues to resolve. It is not prudent to take the easy road by ducking the issues. Face them head on. Pay the price in the currency of hard work and honest communication, without it couples often fall back into old habits. A recommendable course of action is joint marriage counseling, and in many cases joint financial counseling.
Moving on means acceptance, and closes the option of going back into the marriage. While it may be sad, it also frees you to look to your future without the complications of all the "what if's". Moving on can be like passing Go and collecting your $200, knowing the next trip around the block might be better than the last.
********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
How to Prevent a Divorce
Divorce seems to be the modern trend in relationships today. The whole world seems to have gotten on the bandwagon which is continuously being driven by divorces in show business. The sanctity of marriage is being compromised and it has become a market for divorce-driven entities such as divorce lawyers.
Many people think that getting a divorce is the only way to get out of an unhappy relationship. But as the great philosopher Aristotle has told us, "There is always a third option." For people who think that getting a divorce is equivalent to being happy, think again. A recent study which was headed by Ms. Linda Waite of the University of Chicago revealed that divorced people are not necessarily happier. Another more astounding fact which was revealed by the study is that 2/3 of the people who were unhappy with their marriages eventually said that they were happy in their marriages five years after. Her team also found out that the majority of happily married couples had experienced extended periods of unhappiness in their relationships. The difference is that they stayed with the relationship and found solutions to their problems.
Marriage is intended to bind the souls of two people together. It loses its sanctity in the whole context of divorce. There are more ways than one to avoid divorce. Listed below are some useful tips that one can employ in attempting to save his/her marriage.
Conversation is salvation
Most conflicts elevate to fights because of the lack of communication. Some couples only talk about errands and tasks. Keeping an open line of communication will keep the openness in the marriage and prevent hidden feelings which can spur serious emotional injuries.
No relationship is perfect
The basic principles of economics tell us that whenever we stick with something, we are always missing out on something. Divorces are usually driven by infidelity and third-party incidences. Remember that no relationship is perfect. Trouble between spouses is no excuse for infidelity, rather it should strengthen their relationship
Seek help
If all else fails and you have tried to resolve the problem between the two of you, seek relationship help. There are professional marriage counselors who can help couples get back on the right track. There's no harm in asking for help.
Bear in mind that divorce has its repercussions, including huge financial setbacks. More importantly, it desecrates marriage and fully ends relationships. In the end, if there's more than enough love to go around inside a home, divorce will never be a reality.
Many people think that getting a divorce is the only way to get out of an unhappy relationship. But as the great philosopher Aristotle has told us, "There is always a third option." For people who think that getting a divorce is equivalent to being happy, think again. A recent study which was headed by Ms. Linda Waite of the University of Chicago revealed that divorced people are not necessarily happier. Another more astounding fact which was revealed by the study is that 2/3 of the people who were unhappy with their marriages eventually said that they were happy in their marriages five years after. Her team also found out that the majority of happily married couples had experienced extended periods of unhappiness in their relationships. The difference is that they stayed with the relationship and found solutions to their problems.Marriage is intended to bind the souls of two people together. It loses its sanctity in the whole context of divorce. There are more ways than one to avoid divorce. Listed below are some useful tips that one can employ in attempting to save his/her marriage.
Conversation is salvation
Most conflicts elevate to fights because of the lack of communication. Some couples only talk about errands and tasks. Keeping an open line of communication will keep the openness in the marriage and prevent hidden feelings which can spur serious emotional injuries.
No relationship is perfect
The basic principles of economics tell us that whenever we stick with something, we are always missing out on something. Divorces are usually driven by infidelity and third-party incidences. Remember that no relationship is perfect. Trouble between spouses is no excuse for infidelity, rather it should strengthen their relationship
Seek help
If all else fails and you have tried to resolve the problem between the two of you, seek relationship help. There are professional marriage counselors who can help couples get back on the right track. There's no harm in asking for help.
Bear in mind that divorce has its repercussions, including huge financial setbacks. More importantly, it desecrates marriage and fully ends relationships. In the end, if there's more than enough love to go around inside a home, divorce will never be a reality.
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