You know the situation: you meet the dream man or woman, it is love at first sight, you meet their family, you get married, and you all live happily ever after.
We all wish this was the case sometimes, but for many couples, falling in love with your partner doesn't necessarily mean that you fall in love with the in-laws. This story is pretty common, and is often the fodder of jokes, cliches, and Hollywood films such as "Meet the Parents" and "Monster In Law".
Jokes and cliches aside, for many couples it is a reality, and the division between the partner and the in-laws can create some very real obstacles for married couples both new and old. When you fall in love with the man or woman of your dreams, not too much thought is given to their parents or siblings, as the love you feel for the man or woman in your life is so much more important, right?
Coming into a new family is a difficult process, and this is even more evident when there are significant differences between the way your family interacts and the way your in-laws do. Parents feel protective towards their children and want to shield them from the hurt and heartache of relationship breakups, some parents worry about the change in values and lifestyle compared to what they experienced when they were first married, and for some families it can be a battle for control over who has more legitimacy in the eyes of your partner.
Some parents simply don't want their babies to grow up, and when their child releases themselves from their parents care and replaces them with someone new as the most important person in their life, feelings can be hurt. Over the course of time, and as children grow up and develop relationships and start new families, the style of parenting has to change. It is a gradual progression from complete dependence, to nurture, to support, to guidance, and finally to letting go and having faith. Problems persist when this cycle is not duly recognized and people try to resist the forces which bring us from one step to the next.
In order to grow, we all need to change. Life is a constantly evolving cycle of changing roles both in our own lives and in other people’s. Sometimes we let these roles evolve and change, and other times we fight the inevitable, and in the process hurt ourselves and the feelings of others. In doing so we may delay the inevitable, or in many cases accelerate the forces of change that have so sharply become necessary in our own lives and in the way we interact with those we love.
Whether or not you get on with your in-laws, you need to examine your reasons for doing so. Do you threaten their belief system or gender role within the family, or do they threaten your belief system or role within your relationship? Does each of you challenge the other’s legitimacy to be the most important person in your partner’s life?
Once you have finished challenging each other, where does this leave your partner?
The key to healing in your family is in understanding your beliefs and reactions to people and perceived threats. As a partner, it is time to share legitimacy in the wider context of love. The fact that you and your in-laws both love your partner should bring you together. As a parent, it is time to let go and embrace a more holistic and less "hands on" style of parenting. And for all of us, it’s about recognizing the differences.
The differences between all of us are one of the important things that define us. Respecting those differences and doing what is in the best interests of your marriage rather than what is in your own best interests is the key to a successful and supportive marriage.
Showing posts with label save marriage advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label save marriage advice. Show all posts
What approach have you taken to solve your marital issues?
One common issue that pops up from time to time is people's experience with counseling. A number of couples that have written to me have already tried receiving counseling a few times, and the progress they have made as a result of this counseling has had surprisingly little effect. Despite going to several counseling sessions, for some couples over many months, many couples seem to be no closer to communicating effectively or solving any of the issues that threaten to tear their relationships apart.
But in thinking about the reasons that counseling has failed these couples, do we blame the counseling or do we look closer at the couples and the part they have played in this too?
I believe the answer to this is in looking at both. A number of counselors specialize in specific fields, and the complex nature of marital disharmony can mean that the approach they take to diagnosing or fixing the problems can be inaccurate, and in some cases completely misses the major issues of the conflict.
Of more concern to me however, is the attitude many couples have to counseling, and this is the bit that you really need to look at closely if you are committed to saving your marriage.
When you go to counseling, how badly do you want the counselor to side with you and tell you that you are right? How much of counseling is motivated by your need to prove your partner wrong? Or are you prepared to participate in counseling and open your mind to learning something?
The attitude you have is what is going to help determine if your counseling is going to bring you together or whether it is a pointless exercise. Unless you are both able to be honest about your beliefs surrounding counseling and what you both hope to achieve from it, it is unlikely that any counseling will help. In order for counseling to work, you need to communicate with each other what you hope to achieve. What are your expectations? Are they similar? Counseling is not about you changing your partner or your partner changing you. It is not about one person being right and the other being wrong. In order for counseling to be effective, you need to both participate actively in it and work towards a common goal. Going into counseling believing that the other person needs to do the changing is counter-productive to the counseling process. You are both in the marriage and you are both invited into the counseling process to learn and grow. Assuming you have done all the growing you need to do is going to guarantee that your counseling is going to fail you. In fact, you are going to fail your counseling.
Supporting the idea of going to counseling means you are going to have to accept your part in this issue and commit to a different way of looking at your marriage issues. It may not be something you like to do, but if you are serious about putting the issues behind you it is going to involve self-examination and sacrifice from both ofyou. Remember, you are never too old or wise to learn.
But in thinking about the reasons that counseling has failed these couples, do we blame the counseling or do we look closer at the couples and the part they have played in this too?
I believe the answer to this is in looking at both. A number of counselors specialize in specific fields, and the complex nature of marital disharmony can mean that the approach they take to diagnosing or fixing the problems can be inaccurate, and in some cases completely misses the major issues of the conflict.
Of more concern to me however, is the attitude many couples have to counseling, and this is the bit that you really need to look at closely if you are committed to saving your marriage.
When you go to counseling, how badly do you want the counselor to side with you and tell you that you are right? How much of counseling is motivated by your need to prove your partner wrong? Or are you prepared to participate in counseling and open your mind to learning something?
The attitude you have is what is going to help determine if your counseling is going to bring you together or whether it is a pointless exercise. Unless you are both able to be honest about your beliefs surrounding counseling and what you both hope to achieve from it, it is unlikely that any counseling will help. In order for counseling to work, you need to communicate with each other what you hope to achieve. What are your expectations? Are they similar? Counseling is not about you changing your partner or your partner changing you. It is not about one person being right and the other being wrong. In order for counseling to be effective, you need to both participate actively in it and work towards a common goal. Going into counseling believing that the other person needs to do the changing is counter-productive to the counseling process. You are both in the marriage and you are both invited into the counseling process to learn and grow. Assuming you have done all the growing you need to do is going to guarantee that your counseling is going to fail you. In fact, you are going to fail your counseling.
Supporting the idea of going to counseling means you are going to have to accept your part in this issue and commit to a different way of looking at your marriage issues. It may not be something you like to do, but if you are serious about putting the issues behind you it is going to involve self-examination and sacrifice from both ofyou. Remember, you are never too old or wise to learn.
Do you crave romantic love?
Discussion of the day: one partner falling out of love, and not knowing what he wants. The issue came to the fore when he admitted that he had been having an affair, and the feelings in the relationship have been turbulent since that time. The wife is committed to saving the relationship and doesn't know how to react, and the husband is not sure whether he wants to stay in the relationship.
There are also jealousy issues in the relationship, and the wife finds it hard when her husband gets attention on any level from females, even if it appears only as friends.
The idea of a partner wanting out of the relationship is hard enough, but this client is finding it hard with the uncertainty that her husband feels about their future. Having an affair has made him re-evaluate his future in the relationship and added to her feelings of insecurity.
****************
Here is my response:
The situation you find yourself in is not uncommon, when your husband tells you he loves you but is not "in love". This would have to be one of the most commonly used phrases when it comes to identifying why there is a problem in the relationship, yet the explanation in itself serves little purpose.
I believe this phrase is used a lot due to the confusion surrounding what we are expected to do when the romantic love for your partner starts to wane, which it will at some stage in the relationship. All marriages and relationships go through stages, from infatuation to lust, to romantic love or the honeymoon period, to utter chaos and the spawning of real love. The fact that you have been married for a number of years would indicate you are well past the honeymoon stage, and into what we call real love. Real love is when you realize your partner is not perfect, but you still love them. You love them for their differences rather than in spite of them. However the trap people fall into with marriage is that real love does require maintenance. Every day we are called to find new ways of loving our partner and expressing this love as we grow in love and understanding together. If you neglect the need to maintain your love, it becomes easy to fall into habits, perhaps take each other for granted, and one day wake up and find your relationship isn't at all what you had imagined it would be.
I think this is the stage you are at. Ending the affair has finally made your husband sit up and realize that the relationship he has with you is not as strong as it once was. Saying he isn't "in love" with you doesn't mean it's over. All it means is that he has forgotten how to love. You have taken each other for granted for so long that you have both stopped making the effort.
Take a look at Chapter 7 of Book 2: Love is a Doing Word. This is going to teach you and your husband new ways to show love for each other and reassure and support each other in the relationship. The love that your husband felt in the affair was lust, and comparing the intensity of this feeling with your marriage will cause him to re-evaluate what he feels for you.
You need to point out to him that the lust he felt for the other woman was a temporary thing, and if he had stayed with her it would have died and either moved to the next stage or the relationship would have ended. Every relationship goes through this. Yours did, and the relationship with the other woman would have too. Perhaps your husband fell in love with the lust. But it was just lust, not real love. Real love is what has kept you two together all this time.
So that's the first point. The second point I want to look at is your need for reassurance. I noted your reaction when your husband was friends with a married woman several years ago, and fate meant you were able to move your husband away from this situation. This didn't fix the jealousy or mistrust however, and this is an issue I feel you need to work on. When your husband talks to other women, what is your first motivation to react?
* Is it fear that he will humiliate you?
* Is it fear that he will leave you?
* Is it fear that you don't feel you are good enough?
I want you to look at your motivations for jealousy and identify what part of your past this touches on. These feelings may touch on some past wounds, either from a past relationship or a childhood memory. I would encourage you to spend some time thinking about your motivations and feelings, and whether you can revisit this time and find new ways to process the hurt and jealousy.
The thing you need to remember here is that your husband had every opportunity to continue the affair and leave you, but he didn't. He stayed in the marriage because he loves you and is committed to you. This gives you a good foundation upon which you can look at dealing with your issues and recreating the love that once existed in your marriage.
There are a number of exercises that you can do either on your own or as a couple, and these are at the end of every chapter. I have every faith that if you can look at new ways of recreating romantic love then you have every chance you can turn this around.
There are also jealousy issues in the relationship, and the wife finds it hard when her husband gets attention on any level from females, even if it appears only as friends.
The idea of a partner wanting out of the relationship is hard enough, but this client is finding it hard with the uncertainty that her husband feels about their future. Having an affair has made him re-evaluate his future in the relationship and added to her feelings of insecurity.
****************
Here is my response:
The situation you find yourself in is not uncommon, when your husband tells you he loves you but is not "in love". This would have to be one of the most commonly used phrases when it comes to identifying why there is a problem in the relationship, yet the explanation in itself serves little purpose.
I believe this phrase is used a lot due to the confusion surrounding what we are expected to do when the romantic love for your partner starts to wane, which it will at some stage in the relationship. All marriages and relationships go through stages, from infatuation to lust, to romantic love or the honeymoon period, to utter chaos and the spawning of real love. The fact that you have been married for a number of years would indicate you are well past the honeymoon stage, and into what we call real love. Real love is when you realize your partner is not perfect, but you still love them. You love them for their differences rather than in spite of them. However the trap people fall into with marriage is that real love does require maintenance. Every day we are called to find new ways of loving our partner and expressing this love as we grow in love and understanding together. If you neglect the need to maintain your love, it becomes easy to fall into habits, perhaps take each other for granted, and one day wake up and find your relationship isn't at all what you had imagined it would be.
I think this is the stage you are at. Ending the affair has finally made your husband sit up and realize that the relationship he has with you is not as strong as it once was. Saying he isn't "in love" with you doesn't mean it's over. All it means is that he has forgotten how to love. You have taken each other for granted for so long that you have both stopped making the effort.
Take a look at Chapter 7 of Book 2: Love is a Doing Word. This is going to teach you and your husband new ways to show love for each other and reassure and support each other in the relationship. The love that your husband felt in the affair was lust, and comparing the intensity of this feeling with your marriage will cause him to re-evaluate what he feels for you.
You need to point out to him that the lust he felt for the other woman was a temporary thing, and if he had stayed with her it would have died and either moved to the next stage or the relationship would have ended. Every relationship goes through this. Yours did, and the relationship with the other woman would have too. Perhaps your husband fell in love with the lust. But it was just lust, not real love. Real love is what has kept you two together all this time.
So that's the first point. The second point I want to look at is your need for reassurance. I noted your reaction when your husband was friends with a married woman several years ago, and fate meant you were able to move your husband away from this situation. This didn't fix the jealousy or mistrust however, and this is an issue I feel you need to work on. When your husband talks to other women, what is your first motivation to react?
* Is it fear that he will humiliate you?
* Is it fear that he will leave you?
* Is it fear that you don't feel you are good enough?
I want you to look at your motivations for jealousy and identify what part of your past this touches on. These feelings may touch on some past wounds, either from a past relationship or a childhood memory. I would encourage you to spend some time thinking about your motivations and feelings, and whether you can revisit this time and find new ways to process the hurt and jealousy.
The thing you need to remember here is that your husband had every opportunity to continue the affair and leave you, but he didn't. He stayed in the marriage because he loves you and is committed to you. This gives you a good foundation upon which you can look at dealing with your issues and recreating the love that once existed in your marriage.
There are a number of exercises that you can do either on your own or as a couple, and these are at the end of every chapter. I have every faith that if you can look at new ways of recreating romantic love then you have every chance you can turn this around.
It's never too late to make an effort
When I hear from customers about their particular marital problems, there are a number of issues that all of these couples have in common. Apart from the usual reduction in sexual intimacy, when I ask customers how long it has been since they went on a date or went away for the weekend, I am usually greeted with a blank stare.
For many customers, it could be anywhere between a year or 18 months since they last had a break or even a date. When I use the term "date", I mean an evening out specifically with the purpose of spending quality time together. Family dinners or nights out with friends don't count, and actually sitting down and calculating how long it has been since the last date or break away as a couple can be a very sobering thought.
Even myself when I sat down and had a think, made me realize that it had been several months since me and my partner had done anything that fitted the criteria of a date or a break.
It may not be intentional, but often weeks can turn into months, and months turn into seasons, and you fall into the trap of spending so much of your time doing the day-to-day things in your marriage, you lose perspective of what is really important. Do you think on the day that you got married when you imagined what your marriage was going to be like that it would be like this? Or like me, did you have visions of weekends away together, driving out in the countryside, attending parties and functions as man and wife, and growing old together doing the things you love?
So what happened to that image?
Jobs, demands on your time, children, family commitments, budget constraints and the daily stresses of life soon got in the way of the image of the perfect relationship, and we resigned ourselves to the fact that it was simply a dream.
It doesn't have to be that way.
Making the effort to go out on a date or go away for a weekend doesn't have to cost a lot of money, and it doesn't have to involve huge amounts of time. If you put as much effort into your relationship as you do into your friends, children, pets, or sporting commitments, the time to do these things would simply be there. If you want a night out or a weekend badly enough, there are most often very simple ways to make it happen. Send your children to their grandparents for the night or a weekend. Send them to stay with friends.
A date could even be something as simple as a pizza in a park or a walk on the beach. A weekend away could be as simple as locking the doors and renting DVDs and pampering each other with baths and massages. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you choose to make it. I recently hired a house for a couple of nights up in the mountains and spent a weekend either sleeping, watching movies, or walking together and eating special food. I was surprised how cheap it was and how little effort it involved in putting it all together.
A good life and a good marriage is not measured by minutes, hours, and days, but by special moments and special memories spent together. If it has been too long since your last special memory, make a commitment today to creating one. One small effort might make all the difference.
For many customers, it could be anywhere between a year or 18 months since they last had a break or even a date. When I use the term "date", I mean an evening out specifically with the purpose of spending quality time together. Family dinners or nights out with friends don't count, and actually sitting down and calculating how long it has been since the last date or break away as a couple can be a very sobering thought.
Even myself when I sat down and had a think, made me realize that it had been several months since me and my partner had done anything that fitted the criteria of a date or a break.
It may not be intentional, but often weeks can turn into months, and months turn into seasons, and you fall into the trap of spending so much of your time doing the day-to-day things in your marriage, you lose perspective of what is really important. Do you think on the day that you got married when you imagined what your marriage was going to be like that it would be like this? Or like me, did you have visions of weekends away together, driving out in the countryside, attending parties and functions as man and wife, and growing old together doing the things you love?
So what happened to that image?
Jobs, demands on your time, children, family commitments, budget constraints and the daily stresses of life soon got in the way of the image of the perfect relationship, and we resigned ourselves to the fact that it was simply a dream.
It doesn't have to be that way.
Making the effort to go out on a date or go away for a weekend doesn't have to cost a lot of money, and it doesn't have to involve huge amounts of time. If you put as much effort into your relationship as you do into your friends, children, pets, or sporting commitments, the time to do these things would simply be there. If you want a night out or a weekend badly enough, there are most often very simple ways to make it happen. Send your children to their grandparents for the night or a weekend. Send them to stay with friends.
A date could even be something as simple as a pizza in a park or a walk on the beach. A weekend away could be as simple as locking the doors and renting DVDs and pampering each other with baths and massages. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you choose to make it. I recently hired a house for a couple of nights up in the mountains and spent a weekend either sleeping, watching movies, or walking together and eating special food. I was surprised how cheap it was and how little effort it involved in putting it all together.
A good life and a good marriage is not measured by minutes, hours, and days, but by special moments and special memories spent together. If it has been too long since your last special memory, make a commitment today to creating one. One small effort might make all the difference.
Do you feel you and your spouse are growing apart?
I received an email from a member the other day who has been married for a number of years before marital problems started to arise. The couple separated for a length of time before re-examining the relationship and getting some help. This couple undertook counseling before one partner pulled out, and the separation continued for another length of time before efforts were again made to repair the relationship.
This game of cat and mouse, going to counseling before continuing the separation for another length of time has been going on for a number of years now, and the client who wrote to me is at the limit of his patience. Divorce has been discussed, but the partner who continued to back away from repairing the relationship seemed reluctant to end the relationship. As far as the effort goes, it has been very one-sided, and decisions now need to be made if this relationship is going to survive, or whether both of these people need closure. The idea of effort coming from one side only is a common scenario, which is why I feel this is especially relevant.
I felt that the response to this client is worthy of sharing with so many other couples out there in similarly harrowing circumstances.
Here is my response:
Hi there,
Thanks for your email.
From my calculations, you have been living apart for a number of years. This is a significant obstacle to you and your partner getting back together, and every month you continue to live apart the more difficult a chance of reconciliation is. Your partner's fear of being rejected and the marriage not working out again is irrational. In shying away from her fears, she is letting her fears become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The issue here is that your wife is unwilling to put the effort in, and for some reason her fears are holding her back. In addition to this, the time that you have spent apart is significant. You have both grown accustomed to living as single people, and any change to this situation now is going to require a huge life adjustment.
This is not about picking up your marriage where you left off. This is about creating a new relationship with your wife, with new rules and new intentions. This is an opportunity to get to know each other all over again.
This situation has been allowed to fester for far too long. A separation should never be longer than a few months, and the problem with splitting for several years is that she has grown accustomed to life without you. She may even like her single life. She may also be scared about living with you again.
You need to move forward or you need closure. She doesn't want to try to save your marriage but she doesn't want to be the one responsible for ending it either.
You need to tell her that she is living her fears in her reluctance to try and save your marriage. Giving things another go is a huge leap of faith, and she needs to take strength that you believe in her enough to have faith in your marriage. If she doesn't share that faith then it is time to respond with love.
Thank her for being your wife. Thank her for giving you the years of happiness that you had together. Tell her you will always be her friend. But if she doesn't want to live with you anymore then it is time to walk away and give this terminal relationship some closure.
Love is not always possession.
This game of cat and mouse, going to counseling before continuing the separation for another length of time has been going on for a number of years now, and the client who wrote to me is at the limit of his patience. Divorce has been discussed, but the partner who continued to back away from repairing the relationship seemed reluctant to end the relationship. As far as the effort goes, it has been very one-sided, and decisions now need to be made if this relationship is going to survive, or whether both of these people need closure. The idea of effort coming from one side only is a common scenario, which is why I feel this is especially relevant.
I felt that the response to this client is worthy of sharing with so many other couples out there in similarly harrowing circumstances.
Here is my response:
Hi there,
Thanks for your email.
From my calculations, you have been living apart for a number of years. This is a significant obstacle to you and your partner getting back together, and every month you continue to live apart the more difficult a chance of reconciliation is. Your partner's fear of being rejected and the marriage not working out again is irrational. In shying away from her fears, she is letting her fears become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The issue here is that your wife is unwilling to put the effort in, and for some reason her fears are holding her back. In addition to this, the time that you have spent apart is significant. You have both grown accustomed to living as single people, and any change to this situation now is going to require a huge life adjustment.
This is not about picking up your marriage where you left off. This is about creating a new relationship with your wife, with new rules and new intentions. This is an opportunity to get to know each other all over again.
This situation has been allowed to fester for far too long. A separation should never be longer than a few months, and the problem with splitting for several years is that she has grown accustomed to life without you. She may even like her single life. She may also be scared about living with you again.
You need to move forward or you need closure. She doesn't want to try to save your marriage but she doesn't want to be the one responsible for ending it either.
You need to tell her that she is living her fears in her reluctance to try and save your marriage. Giving things another go is a huge leap of faith, and she needs to take strength that you believe in her enough to have faith in your marriage. If she doesn't share that faith then it is time to respond with love.
Thank her for being your wife. Thank her for giving you the years of happiness that you had together. Tell her you will always be her friend. But if she doesn't want to live with you anymore then it is time to walk away and give this terminal relationship some closure.
Love is not always possession.
Add Some Spice To Your Marriage
Has your life as a married couple hit the doldrums? Does it seem that each day is the same as the previous one and nothing exciting happens? With a little effort and some imagination you can turn that all around and put the fun back into your marriage. Take your agenda book and start filling those little squares with cool things you can do with your spouse each day of the week. Why not start with the weekend. If Friday night finds you both tired after slogging at the office, make it Movie Night. Choose something you'll both like, or take turns each time. Nuke some popcorn in the microwave, change your office duds for something more relaxing, sit back and enjoy! Be sure to use the movie as a springboard for some interesting discussion afterwards.
Saturday is a blank slate, waiting to be written on. The whole day stretches before you, full of promise and excitement. Why not schedule a trip to the beach or the countryside? Pack a picnic lunch, and take along a blanket and some cushions (for cuddling later). You can even set off with no particular destination in mind, stopping wherever you please to take in the view, buy fruit at a roadside stand, shop for funky stuff at a country store--it's your day to spend together doing whatever you want to.
Sunday cries out for breakfast in bed: why not take turns making the breakfast? The cook's reward: a delicious backrub later. After breakfast you can turn your bathroom into a spa for two, complete with chunky pillar candles, scented soaps, soft music and plenty of bubbles, especially if you have a whirlpool tub.
And what about during the week, when you both might be working? Make a date to do something every day. Why not schedule a coffee date on Monday at your favorite java joint? Then you could pack a lunch on Tuesday and meet in the park for a picnic. Wednesday why not send an email to your sweetie suggesting a romantic dinner for two after work at that little bistro you discovered? Thursday, send her flowers with a little note. After all, she's worth it. See how fast the week went? How about planning a whole month of inexpensive, meaningful get-togethers so that every day together is special?
Sometimes the smallest things spawn something special.
More tips on adding spices to your marriage
Saturday is a blank slate, waiting to be written on. The whole day stretches before you, full of promise and excitement. Why not schedule a trip to the beach or the countryside? Pack a picnic lunch, and take along a blanket and some cushions (for cuddling later). You can even set off with no particular destination in mind, stopping wherever you please to take in the view, buy fruit at a roadside stand, shop for funky stuff at a country store--it's your day to spend together doing whatever you want to.
Sunday cries out for breakfast in bed: why not take turns making the breakfast? The cook's reward: a delicious backrub later. After breakfast you can turn your bathroom into a spa for two, complete with chunky pillar candles, scented soaps, soft music and plenty of bubbles, especially if you have a whirlpool tub.
And what about during the week, when you both might be working? Make a date to do something every day. Why not schedule a coffee date on Monday at your favorite java joint? Then you could pack a lunch on Tuesday and meet in the park for a picnic. Wednesday why not send an email to your sweetie suggesting a romantic dinner for two after work at that little bistro you discovered? Thursday, send her flowers with a little note. After all, she's worth it. See how fast the week went? How about planning a whole month of inexpensive, meaningful get-togethers so that every day together is special?
Sometimes the smallest things spawn something special.
More tips on adding spices to your marriage
Recognizing marital conflicts and solving them fast
Annie and Glenn were considered the perfect couple of the year when they were married in a small but picturesque chapel in Santa Monica two years ago. Annie was a 24 year old career girl while Glenn was on his way to becoming a successful lawyer.
That was then when they were still carefree individuals who got involved in their relationship for a little fun and companionship. Marriage has made a very big difference in their lives. It seems to have ruined what they call magic.
Both have attained their career goals. Annie now writes her own column in a business magazine while Glenn has been recruited by a top notch law firm. Their careers are going great; their marriage however is another story.
Both are so busy with their own lives that they seem to have started growing apart. Most of their hours are spent at work, and on the rare occasions they see each other, they spend much of it in a shouting match.
Annie and Glenn's dilemma is not uncommon to many married couple; in fact it is the rule rather than the exception. Married couples sometimes ask themselves why they are capable of doing things that could hurt the other spouse, despite the fact that they love each other so much.
It is true when they say it is the person you love the most that can hurt you the most. This is true for most married couple who have not yet found a way to settle their differences and live with their then.
Arguments are part and parcel of being married but it is up to the couple to find ways to lessen the frequency and the intensity of the argument. Sometimes, couples think having the same argument over and over again is a normal thing in marriage. Of course, it is a normal thing but it should not be a so.
Common sources of conflict among married couples
It is hard to live with another person because each one has his own personality and each person was brought up by their families differently. Conflicts arise when two personalities and two ways of life merge - each one wanting to be dominant.
The main reason married couples have arguments is because they are two different people forced to live physically together, regardless of their quirks and personality. Unless you are a boring creature who does not want surprises, then you would find it fun to live with a person who is just like you and so predictable that you do not even speak to each other because one is aware of what other is thinking. Others believe differently, believing that when two people are so alike there is no need for the other,
But there are specific issues that are pointed to as the common source of conflict and argument among married couples.
1. Money - Who does not need money? Of course everyone does, and the lack of excess of financial means will always serve as a launching pad for conflict. A couple who does not have enough money will have conflicts with budgeting and managing their finances. On the other hand, a couple who have plenty of resources will still quarrel over how the money is being spent..
2. Jealousy - A jealous lover adds sizzle to romance but when jealousy goes overboard it can make your married life miserable. A little jealousy will help make the relationship exciting but too much of it will alienate one spouse from the jealous spouse. People who have jealous spouses tend to curtail their emotional and intellectual development.
3. Sex - The lack or excess of sexual activity is also a source of conflict for married couples. Couples who have the same sexual preferences are lucky. For most couples incompatibility of their sexual desires is often the underlying reason for conflicts that are manifested in other ways.
4. In-laws - There are couples who incessantly quarrel just because of domineering in-laws who are interfering with the marriage. A couple may be living away from the in-laws but there are ways in-laws manage to ruin the marriage. It is really up to the spouses to inform their own families about the limitation that are to be observed to keep the marriage healthy and far from in-laws interference.
5. Responsibility - Who is in charge of cleaning the house? Who is in charge of paying for the monthly bills or the groceries? These are little things that boil down to the delegation of responsibilities between the spouses. It will be good if spouses can talk about who should be responsible for all the things necessary to keep the marriage on an even keel..
There are other sources of conflict, most of them originating from the basic sources of conflict. Couples should be aware of the things that cause conflict between them so they can find a common solution to those conflicts. Being aware of conflicts and confronting them the as soon as possible will help the marriage and will avoid recurrence of such conflicts later on.
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
That was then when they were still carefree individuals who got involved in their relationship for a little fun and companionship. Marriage has made a very big difference in their lives. It seems to have ruined what they call magic.
Both have attained their career goals. Annie now writes her own column in a business magazine while Glenn has been recruited by a top notch law firm. Their careers are going great; their marriage however is another story.
Both are so busy with their own lives that they seem to have started growing apart. Most of their hours are spent at work, and on the rare occasions they see each other, they spend much of it in a shouting match.
Annie and Glenn's dilemma is not uncommon to many married couple; in fact it is the rule rather than the exception. Married couples sometimes ask themselves why they are capable of doing things that could hurt the other spouse, despite the fact that they love each other so much.
It is true when they say it is the person you love the most that can hurt you the most. This is true for most married couple who have not yet found a way to settle their differences and live with their then.
Arguments are part and parcel of being married but it is up to the couple to find ways to lessen the frequency and the intensity of the argument. Sometimes, couples think having the same argument over and over again is a normal thing in marriage. Of course, it is a normal thing but it should not be a so.Common sources of conflict among married couples
It is hard to live with another person because each one has his own personality and each person was brought up by their families differently. Conflicts arise when two personalities and two ways of life merge - each one wanting to be dominant.
The main reason married couples have arguments is because they are two different people forced to live physically together, regardless of their quirks and personality. Unless you are a boring creature who does not want surprises, then you would find it fun to live with a person who is just like you and so predictable that you do not even speak to each other because one is aware of what other is thinking. Others believe differently, believing that when two people are so alike there is no need for the other,
But there are specific issues that are pointed to as the common source of conflict and argument among married couples.
1. Money - Who does not need money? Of course everyone does, and the lack of excess of financial means will always serve as a launching pad for conflict. A couple who does not have enough money will have conflicts with budgeting and managing their finances. On the other hand, a couple who have plenty of resources will still quarrel over how the money is being spent..
2. Jealousy - A jealous lover adds sizzle to romance but when jealousy goes overboard it can make your married life miserable. A little jealousy will help make the relationship exciting but too much of it will alienate one spouse from the jealous spouse. People who have jealous spouses tend to curtail their emotional and intellectual development.
3. Sex - The lack or excess of sexual activity is also a source of conflict for married couples. Couples who have the same sexual preferences are lucky. For most couples incompatibility of their sexual desires is often the underlying reason for conflicts that are manifested in other ways.
4. In-laws - There are couples who incessantly quarrel just because of domineering in-laws who are interfering with the marriage. A couple may be living away from the in-laws but there are ways in-laws manage to ruin the marriage. It is really up to the spouses to inform their own families about the limitation that are to be observed to keep the marriage healthy and far from in-laws interference.
5. Responsibility - Who is in charge of cleaning the house? Who is in charge of paying for the monthly bills or the groceries? These are little things that boil down to the delegation of responsibilities between the spouses. It will be good if spouses can talk about who should be responsible for all the things necessary to keep the marriage on an even keel..
There are other sources of conflict, most of them originating from the basic sources of conflict. Couples should be aware of the things that cause conflict between them so they can find a common solution to those conflicts. Being aware of conflicts and confronting them the as soon as possible will help the marriage and will avoid recurrence of such conflicts later on.
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Quiz Yourself - Will You Survive Break-Up?
I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking -up. This is a typical statement from a person facing break-up. How to survive after a break-up? Will you survive a break-up? Why not quiz yourself about it?
The immediate effect of the break-up would be pain. Will you be able to take the pain? The pain would go away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact will be high. You will have to gather all your energy and tolerate the pain.
The second effect would be bitterness and blame. You will non stop think about the behavior of your ex partner and fix blame everywhere. You will recap all the arguments and fights and there will be a large amount of self-talk about how you were ditched. That will not be a pleasant experience. You will have to find way out of all this by spending quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy. Are you ready for that?
The major effect would be the temptation to join immediately with anew partner. This can work both the ways. Some people never wish to form a relationship again after undergoing the trauma, while some want to form a relationship as soon as possible to forget the earlier one. Both of theses choices carry danger. The best alternative is to wait for sometime and when you find your stability and self esteem back, try and form another relationship. Are you ready for this?
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
The immediate effect of the break-up would be pain. Will you be able to take the pain? The pain would go away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact will be high. You will have to gather all your energy and tolerate the pain.
The second effect would be bitterness and blame. You will non stop think about the behavior of your ex partner and fix blame everywhere. You will recap all the arguments and fights and there will be a large amount of self-talk about how you were ditched. That will not be a pleasant experience. You will have to find way out of all this by spending quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy. Are you ready for that?
The major effect would be the temptation to join immediately with anew partner. This can work both the ways. Some people never wish to form a relationship again after undergoing the trauma, while some want to form a relationship as soon as possible to forget the earlier one. Both of theses choices carry danger. The best alternative is to wait for sometime and when you find your stability and self esteem back, try and form another relationship. Are you ready for this?
*****************************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Stop Divorce
From my experience couple trying to Stop Divorce are faced with many challenges, some of these issues and challenges are often very surprising. One of the people who visited my site sent me an email saying that I would not believe how easy it was to work on some parts of the prevent divorce issue, and that the hardest thing he and his wife faced was breaking the old habits, changing the way they conducted themselves, the automatic pilot that drives relationships into walls.
This is what this article is about, trying to notice the point in which you lose control over your target (preventing and stopping your divorce) and let the auto pilot drive your relationship into a difficult spot. Shedding light on a few points, I hope that you will be better equipped the next time you are facing an argument or even a discussion.
First point, is almost too easy, the blame game. How easy is this? Now honestly, think about it, almost everyone does it, and you have done it many times before, you play this stupid little game, get yourself wrapped around this idea and lose control, not only escalating the situation but getting into a mindset of blaming and anger, this would not help you, or anyone for that matter, achieve anything. What you really need to do is examine the situation, think about what you did, or what you usually do, and what your spouse does, and be as objective as you can. Make a table with the things you both do, never forget to notice the things that you do wrong, because everyone does something wrong, and admit it, to yourself and to your spouse.
Second, the “you are overreacting” sentence. How helpful was that?, men tend to say this to woman a lot, but I saw a few woman do that too, and this is a nasty one, not only do you judge your spouse, you are also criticizing their response, like you have any right to. Think about it for a moment, I am sure you will understand that this is a terrible thing to say and that in no case should you even consider saying this, take things at face value, if your partner is angry, focus on why he or she got to this situation and deal with it, don’t push it away and award the what you think is an exaggerated reaction level to your partner.
Children or family issues, this is an extremely delicate issue. Using children as weapons in arguments and fights is something a lot of people do, a classic example of losing control and saying things you live to regret for a long time. A clear stop sign, if you can see it while you are angry and upset, in a middle of an argument, try your best to avoid using your children or other family members in fights.
One last point which is the general advice I can give, when discussing things with your spouse, or even when arguing or fighting, try and make the situation even, try and balance the power and the objectivity of the situation. This means that no one has clear control over the discussion, that it is a free – equal power debate between two people and not a lecture or verbal beating to one or another person.
In the next article I will discuss these issues further, good luck saving your relationship and stop divorce.
***********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
This is what this article is about, trying to notice the point in which you lose control over your target (preventing and stopping your divorce) and let the auto pilot drive your relationship into a difficult spot. Shedding light on a few points, I hope that you will be better equipped the next time you are facing an argument or even a discussion.
First point, is almost too easy, the blame game. How easy is this? Now honestly, think about it, almost everyone does it, and you have done it many times before, you play this stupid little game, get yourself wrapped around this idea and lose control, not only escalating the situation but getting into a mindset of blaming and anger, this would not help you, or anyone for that matter, achieve anything. What you really need to do is examine the situation, think about what you did, or what you usually do, and what your spouse does, and be as objective as you can. Make a table with the things you both do, never forget to notice the things that you do wrong, because everyone does something wrong, and admit it, to yourself and to your spouse.
Second, the “you are overreacting” sentence. How helpful was that?, men tend to say this to woman a lot, but I saw a few woman do that too, and this is a nasty one, not only do you judge your spouse, you are also criticizing their response, like you have any right to. Think about it for a moment, I am sure you will understand that this is a terrible thing to say and that in no case should you even consider saying this, take things at face value, if your partner is angry, focus on why he or she got to this situation and deal with it, don’t push it away and award the what you think is an exaggerated reaction level to your partner.
Children or family issues, this is an extremely delicate issue. Using children as weapons in arguments and fights is something a lot of people do, a classic example of losing control and saying things you live to regret for a long time. A clear stop sign, if you can see it while you are angry and upset, in a middle of an argument, try your best to avoid using your children or other family members in fights.
One last point which is the general advice I can give, when discussing things with your spouse, or even when arguing or fighting, try and make the situation even, try and balance the power and the objectivity of the situation. This means that no one has clear control over the discussion, that it is a free – equal power debate between two people and not a lecture or verbal beating to one or another person.
In the next article I will discuss these issues further, good luck saving your relationship and stop divorce.
***********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Prevent Divorce Basics
Your marriage is in trouble, and you know that even though you want to get it all over with that you still love your partner and that you will probably regret your actions in the near future, the action needed is clear- you need to prevent divorce.
Divorce is not the answer, and rushing into one is a big mistake, the divorce process will eliminate your chances of rebuilding your relationship, so you better consider this move carefully and be absolutely sure that you have exhausted all the means and ways to improve your relationship.
Your spouse does not understand you, and both of you are not communicating any more, it seems as though there is a huge gap between you, that even the smallest things makes you upset about each other, and that what was once easy and fun has now become unbearable. Preventing divorce is not about compromise, preventing divorce is about rediscovering your relationship.
The changes in relationships seem almost impossible, from once passionate lovers that could not bare being apart couples change into two different people that sometimes seek the opportunity to be as separate from one another as possible. The dangers of the growing distance between couple raises questions in their minds and in many cases this ends in a divorce.
Every person is different, every couple has its own unique story, but the bottom line is usually this – one or both partners think that it is impossible to turn the relationship into something that will flourish again, with the hope of regaining the love of the other lost the partners turn into the simplest and what seems like the easiest solution, instead of fighting and arguing over and over again, the clean cut divorce looks like a good solution.
Sometimes and in some cases this is probably the best way to go, divorce for some couples is the best answer to a hopeless situation. But if you are one of the many people who feel that not all hope is gone and that you wish to continue building the relationship you have with your partner, who at a certain time was the closest to you, this is the place to start looking inwards and outwards and work to regain your harmoniums loving relationship once again.
Good relationships start with good communication, it is almost sure that you once had a relationship with good communication, you can probably remember the days when you didn’t have enough time with your spouse to talk about all the plans you had for your life and to share your thoughts? How long has it been now? How many years since you last had a really good communication exchange? After you’ve exhausted the discussion about the children’s schedule, who has to drop off the dry cleaning and when you will visit your in-laws, do you find yourself at a loss for words?
You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with either of you. You are probably just mired in everyday life and because your daily schedule is so hectic, over the years you simply ran out of time for casual and enjoyable discussion. And, now you can’t even remember how to even talk to your spouse, stopping or preventing a divorce will mean that you will need to rethink the way you communicate.
Good communication is not so hard and it is vital for preventing a divorce, it is just plain simple work, until you get used to it. Instead of talking about the regular things, you will need to think a little harder and try a lot harder. Talk about real things, not the work routine and the children’s activities think of things you want to talk about, you’ll find yourself anxious to get home to share the information with your spouse. Avoid the topics that do not interest you spouse, remember that this is about the both of you, and what you find interesting, just finding this topic will earn you points for trying, do not plan ahead too much – just let yourself into a discussion about things you have not discussed for long.
Listen to the news in the morning or on your way to work. When you are listening, try to focus on those things you think your spouse would find interesting. What would she tell you about? Then ask her if she heard the story, and what she thought about it.
Talk about things you want to plan or do over the next month or two. Vacation planning is a good topic, but only if you are both looking forward to going and if you are both actively involved in planning for the vacation.
Preventing divorce is a complicated issue – not impossible one. You will need to invest time and energy into you marriage now, and do everything you can to prevent divorce. Good luck!.
***********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Divorce is not the answer, and rushing into one is a big mistake, the divorce process will eliminate your chances of rebuilding your relationship, so you better consider this move carefully and be absolutely sure that you have exhausted all the means and ways to improve your relationship.
Your spouse does not understand you, and both of you are not communicating any more, it seems as though there is a huge gap between you, that even the smallest things makes you upset about each other, and that what was once easy and fun has now become unbearable. Preventing divorce is not about compromise, preventing divorce is about rediscovering your relationship.
The changes in relationships seem almost impossible, from once passionate lovers that could not bare being apart couples change into two different people that sometimes seek the opportunity to be as separate from one another as possible. The dangers of the growing distance between couple raises questions in their minds and in many cases this ends in a divorce.
Every person is different, every couple has its own unique story, but the bottom line is usually this – one or both partners think that it is impossible to turn the relationship into something that will flourish again, with the hope of regaining the love of the other lost the partners turn into the simplest and what seems like the easiest solution, instead of fighting and arguing over and over again, the clean cut divorce looks like a good solution.
Sometimes and in some cases this is probably the best way to go, divorce for some couples is the best answer to a hopeless situation. But if you are one of the many people who feel that not all hope is gone and that you wish to continue building the relationship you have with your partner, who at a certain time was the closest to you, this is the place to start looking inwards and outwards and work to regain your harmoniums loving relationship once again.
Good relationships start with good communication, it is almost sure that you once had a relationship with good communication, you can probably remember the days when you didn’t have enough time with your spouse to talk about all the plans you had for your life and to share your thoughts? How long has it been now? How many years since you last had a really good communication exchange? After you’ve exhausted the discussion about the children’s schedule, who has to drop off the dry cleaning and when you will visit your in-laws, do you find yourself at a loss for words?
You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with either of you. You are probably just mired in everyday life and because your daily schedule is so hectic, over the years you simply ran out of time for casual and enjoyable discussion. And, now you can’t even remember how to even talk to your spouse, stopping or preventing a divorce will mean that you will need to rethink the way you communicate.
Good communication is not so hard and it is vital for preventing a divorce, it is just plain simple work, until you get used to it. Instead of talking about the regular things, you will need to think a little harder and try a lot harder. Talk about real things, not the work routine and the children’s activities think of things you want to talk about, you’ll find yourself anxious to get home to share the information with your spouse. Avoid the topics that do not interest you spouse, remember that this is about the both of you, and what you find interesting, just finding this topic will earn you points for trying, do not plan ahead too much – just let yourself into a discussion about things you have not discussed for long.
Listen to the news in the morning or on your way to work. When you are listening, try to focus on those things you think your spouse would find interesting. What would she tell you about? Then ask her if she heard the story, and what she thought about it.
Talk about things you want to plan or do over the next month or two. Vacation planning is a good topic, but only if you are both looking forward to going and if you are both actively involved in planning for the vacation.
Preventing divorce is a complicated issue – not impossible one. You will need to invest time and energy into you marriage now, and do everything you can to prevent divorce. Good luck!.
***********************
Find out how to stop divorce, save your marriage from an expert who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when in handling broken marriages.
Save My Marriage Today Review
The claim presented in Save My Marriage Today ebook is clear and confident. By utilizing their marriage guide you can repair a broken marriage and take any relationship to a level of happiness and success not previously enjoyed.
I am often confronted with the notion that this might be a scam of some sort.
I can assure you that the claims presented in Save My Marriage Today are justified and legit.
If you utilize this guide properly there will never again be a need to ponder the steps necessary to rescue your marriage. Sound wisdom is issued that will assist you with any obstacles that may appear in your relationship. No rock is left unturned rather it be the pain of infidelity or simply fights that seem to never end this ebook will guide you carefully and confidently towards a successful reunification that allows you to fall in love all over again.
I have yet to find a guide that is so full of valuable insight geared towards relationship success and bliss. Not having any apparent troubles; no problem. There is still much to be gathered from this ebook. This guide is so successful because it is easy to follow and offers little approaches that deliver big returns.
By following the steps in this guide you can easily identify the problems that plague your marriage and take the appropriate measures to repair the damage.
Save My Marriage Today was authored by a woman who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when it comes to dealing with relationships that are in trouble. Literally couples in the thousands have benefited from her valuable information. Whether the subject is relationships in trouble, dating or attraction she is a respected authority.
Regardless of the shape of your marriage or relationship this ebook can assist you in confronting all types of issues. This guide dwells deep into the foundation of your relationship identifying the core causes that can poison a marriage and then offers a cure.
This guide does make great strides to cover a broad range of issues but the best part is the advice offered is not vague but direct and well researched. The valuable information can really strengthen the core of your relationship and ensure sincere opportunity for a successful marriage.
In the event your relationship cannot be rescued I am impressed with the fact that Save My Marriage Today offers wisdom you can count on for that as well. Sometimes things simply do not click and this guide will lead you carefully through that pain taking process and prepare you for a successful post relationship future.
There is also a premium home course that may be just right for you. The member’s consultation can be extremely effective at neutralizing your core issues if your relationship problems are complex and require specific attention. This provides that one on one approach with an expert who will listen to your problems, analyze them and offer effective solutions.
Don’t hesitate. If you are experiencing trouble in your relationship or simply want to avoid them then I truly advise you to get this guide for saving marriages and take the appropriate steps offered to create a successful union that is strong and satisfying.
Click here to find out more about Save My Marriage Today!
I am often confronted with the notion that this might be a scam of some sort.
I can assure you that the claims presented in Save My Marriage Today are justified and legit.
If you utilize this guide properly there will never again be a need to ponder the steps necessary to rescue your marriage. Sound wisdom is issued that will assist you with any obstacles that may appear in your relationship. No rock is left unturned rather it be the pain of infidelity or simply fights that seem to never end this ebook will guide you carefully and confidently towards a successful reunification that allows you to fall in love all over again.I have yet to find a guide that is so full of valuable insight geared towards relationship success and bliss. Not having any apparent troubles; no problem. There is still much to be gathered from this ebook. This guide is so successful because it is easy to follow and offers little approaches that deliver big returns.
By following the steps in this guide you can easily identify the problems that plague your marriage and take the appropriate measures to repair the damage.
Save My Marriage Today was authored by a woman who sustains an incredible amount of expertise when it comes to dealing with relationships that are in trouble. Literally couples in the thousands have benefited from her valuable information. Whether the subject is relationships in trouble, dating or attraction she is a respected authority.
Regardless of the shape of your marriage or relationship this ebook can assist you in confronting all types of issues. This guide dwells deep into the foundation of your relationship identifying the core causes that can poison a marriage and then offers a cure.This guide does make great strides to cover a broad range of issues but the best part is the advice offered is not vague but direct and well researched. The valuable information can really strengthen the core of your relationship and ensure sincere opportunity for a successful marriage.
In the event your relationship cannot be rescued I am impressed with the fact that Save My Marriage Today offers wisdom you can count on for that as well. Sometimes things simply do not click and this guide will lead you carefully through that pain taking process and prepare you for a successful post relationship future.There is also a premium home course that may be just right for you. The member’s consultation can be extremely effective at neutralizing your core issues if your relationship problems are complex and require specific attention. This provides that one on one approach with an expert who will listen to your problems, analyze them and offer effective solutions.
Don’t hesitate. If you are experiencing trouble in your relationship or simply want to avoid them then I truly advise you to get this guide for saving marriages and take the appropriate steps offered to create a successful union that is strong and satisfying.
Click here to find out more about Save My Marriage Today!
How To Avoid Marriage Conflicts
No matter how happy a married couple looks like, their marriage is not without occasional conflicts. Having conflicts in marriage life is normal. It is brought about by the natural differences of the couple. However, if the gravity and frequency of conflicts inside a marriage keeps on elevating to new heights, the risk of destroying the marriage is always there.
Keeping a healthy marriage is the key towards avoiding marital conflicts. Listed below are some advices which apply to different situations related to conflict resolutions inside marriage.
Mind the person, not the differences
Most often than not, serious marriage conflicts are related to smaller things that add up and eventually burst. Marriage entails that the spouses love each other for who they are and small annoying things should be taken for granted. Understanding each other especially with little things will help strengthen the relationship and give a general sense of belongingness to both the spouses.
Do not compare
It is never a good idea to compare your spouse with the spouse of others, even if it is intended for fun. The grass ain't greener on the other side of the fence. There's good and bad in all people, but the problem is that people tend to see the bad traits in their spouses. Marriage means belongingness and spouses should make their partners feel that they belong together.
Stay in love
Entering in marriage does not mean the end of fun. Couples tend to be more serious when they enter in marriage, thus, leaving out all the passion and the fun. Keeping the feeling of being in love is the main foundation of a successful marriage.
However happy a couple is inside a marriage, there will come a time when they will face conflicts. But being in conflict with each other is not the end of it all. Here are some more useful advices in dealing with conflicts in marriage.
Control instincts
People tend to resort to anger, hatred and disrespect when confronting their partners. Remember that conflict resolution does not necessarily have to entail violence and hurt. Talking with an open heart and an unclouded mind will really help resolve the conflict.
Reaffirm one another
Couples should reaffirm their willingness to resolve the conflict by saying in their own words what the other one is saying and act according to the resolutions which were made.
Differences do not necessarily have to end in conflicts and conflicts do not necessarily have to end in a cold and heartless marriage. Always find love in marriage and everything will fall in place.
If you still have faith in your marriage, do not give up easily. Though saving a marriage is not always easy, with the right approach it is possible even if you are the only one interested. Get a free mini e-course NOW on how to save your marriage.
Keeping a healthy marriage is the key towards avoiding marital conflicts. Listed below are some advices which apply to different situations related to conflict resolutions inside marriage.
Mind the person, not the differences
Most often than not, serious marriage conflicts are related to smaller things that add up and eventually burst. Marriage entails that the spouses love each other for who they are and small annoying things should be taken for granted. Understanding each other especially with little things will help strengthen the relationship and give a general sense of belongingness to both the spouses.
Do not compare
It is never a good idea to compare your spouse with the spouse of others, even if it is intended for fun. The grass ain't greener on the other side of the fence. There's good and bad in all people, but the problem is that people tend to see the bad traits in their spouses. Marriage means belongingness and spouses should make their partners feel that they belong together.
Stay in love
Entering in marriage does not mean the end of fun. Couples tend to be more serious when they enter in marriage, thus, leaving out all the passion and the fun. Keeping the feeling of being in love is the main foundation of a successful marriage.
However happy a couple is inside a marriage, there will come a time when they will face conflicts. But being in conflict with each other is not the end of it all. Here are some more useful advices in dealing with conflicts in marriage.
Control instincts
People tend to resort to anger, hatred and disrespect when confronting their partners. Remember that conflict resolution does not necessarily have to entail violence and hurt. Talking with an open heart and an unclouded mind will really help resolve the conflict.
Reaffirm one another
Couples should reaffirm their willingness to resolve the conflict by saying in their own words what the other one is saying and act according to the resolutions which were made.
Differences do not necessarily have to end in conflicts and conflicts do not necessarily have to end in a cold and heartless marriage. Always find love in marriage and everything will fall in place.
If you still have faith in your marriage, do not give up easily. Though saving a marriage is not always easy, with the right approach it is possible even if you are the only one interested. Get a free mini e-course NOW on how to save your marriage.
Being Merry in Marriage
Many couples enter marriage with fairytale hopes "and they live happily ever after" fantasy. But in reality, it takes so much more than a stylish wedding dress and an expensive wedding ring to end up “happily ever after”.A fulfilled marriage requires both effort and passion pf each partner. Many couples start to lose passion after their honeymoon, and this should not be the case. Here is some advice on how to stay happy in the sacred union of souls.
1. Don't rely on assumptions and expectations
There is nothing wrong with making assumptions and expectations, however, bear in mind that many times, assumptions stay as assumptions and expectations are hard to meet. Remember that marriage is the acceptance of a person for who he/she is. Marriages are decayed by hurt brought about by lofty expectations. There's nothing wrong with cutting each other some slack whenever expectations are not met.
2. Express yourself
There's nothing wrong in saying "I love you." People go about their daily lives without noticing how seldom they say "I love you" to the persons they love. When people are young, they wait for a long time to say these three words to someone. Do not hesitate to use the three little words “I love you!”.
Asking for forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to do. Saying "I'm sorry" is often as seldom said as "I love you." Saying sorry relieves tension for both parties and keeps the communication line open and unclouded by resentment or hatred.
Giving a compliment to your partner every day would brighten your relationship and give it an overall positive feeling. A simple "you look wonderful, honey" would really mean a lot.
3. Keep the fire burning
No one will argue that an active sex life will help keep a happy marriage. When couples openly talk about preferences and dislikes, it helps them bond in making love. Being a little playful and creative in love making may also make a difference.
4. Don't forget yourself
A person cannot love another if he/she cannot love himself/herself. Self-pampering and spending time alone once in a while is a healthy practice inside a relationship. Having time for oneself gives a person a chance to reflect and think of ways to be better inside the relationship.
Being happy in marriage takes effort from the couple but it should not be stripped of its fun. As the song goes, "and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." Be merry in marriage!
If you still have faith in your marriage, do not give up easily. Though saving a marriage is not always easy, with the right approach it is possible even if you are the only one interested. Get a free mini e-course NOW on how to save your marriage.
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