A well-balanced marriage is vital in keeping a couple happy and focused. To get this done, some might think that each partner needs to do their own thing.
Others stress the importance of setting aside time for exclusive dates instead. Actually, both measures are helpful to the growth of your marriage.
However, you can't do just either one - a couple needs to have time apart and time together to round out their relationship.
Like we said, it's about keeping things balanced to maintain the growth of each partner involved. It also prolongs the life of the marriage. You need to do both things for a number of valid reasons.
Ask any couple, and they'll tell you that their marriage is hardly perfect. You'll probably get an earful about how much work it takes to keep the machinery running, so to speak. While that's a valid point, all work and no play presents more risks than you might think.
When it comes to the individual partner, he/she needs time to unwind from the routine of daily responsibilities. Any type of work requires the occasional break, and being a spouse and a parent is no different.
While the spirit might be willing, your mind and body can only go so far without some rest in between.
Never forget the physical component of your being. Who we are inside may be the most important thing, but none of us can deny the reality that our bodies need rest.
Repeated stress injury isn't limited to spending too much time in front of a computer. It can also extend to the daily routine of work, running errands and looking after the kids.
Thus, taking time off puts a nice little break in your regular schedule and helps preserve good judgment and sanity. There's no guilt to be found in wanting to be alone from time to time.
It's simply acknowledging the basic need to find yourself after getting caught up in your everyday tasks. It's very easy to forget about your own needs when you've got so much on your mind.
You might think that with so much to do, there's simply no time for anything else. Yet, you are the one responsible for your affairs, so it's up to you to MAKE time to decompress.
Schedule a little break after the kids have gone off to bed, or maybe if you have a free hour to burn before your partner gets home at night.
It's your schedule, so you're the best person to know when you can squeeze in a short intermission from your full-time role in the family. Find something you like and do it when time permits.
Take a 45-minute bike ride around the neighborhood, read that magazine or book you've been dying to finish, pour a glass of wine and listen to a favorite album, or sweat out your stress through one of those Pilates home videos.
Think of anything that interests you greatly and devote a brief but regular amount of time to do it everyday. The point is to take your mind off the things you have to deal with on a daily basis.
Stress can quietly sneak its way into anyone, and before you know it, you're burned out and can't function enough to do anything productive.
This is the importance of finding an outlet. Like it or not, stress accumulates and the time will come when something has to give. Don't let it be your patience or your health.
Can you really be a good spouse or parent with bloodshot eyes and a brain that's been reduced to mush?
Without a chance to rest, your thoughts will dull out and it won't take much for you to snap at the people you love.
A refreshed spouse is a happy spouse. Sometimes, stepping back and doing some introspection is important in revitalizing yourself.
On the other hand, special alone time as a couple is equally important. The chances of marital burnout are greater than you think.
Even if you might not feel it now, never underestimate the importance of prevention. The habit of keeping something from breaking down is less stressful than fixing it.
In a nutshell, making time for each other allows you to reconnect with your partner on an emotional and physical level. It's absolutely necessary to remember how you were as a couple before you started taking care of the kids, the household chores and the bills.
It's easy to forget the reasons why you signed up for better or worse. It's even easier to lose sight of all the wonderful things that you first saw in each other.
Getting away together for a date (or an out-of-town vacation, budget permitting) helps you renew your enthusiasm in being dedicated to your relationship.
It's useful in remembering the special little qualities which endeared you to one another. In short, some retrospect helps clear up the murkiness of the present.
Somewhere along the way, a couple can easily deprive themselves of the love which they first built their marriage on. Of course, effective communication is a must, but blowing off some steam together won't hurt at all.
Think something along the lines of a shared activity like sports if you're into that kind of thing, or just some time to collectively NOT think about the things eating away at your peace of mind.
It doesn't necessarily solve whatever issues you have to deal with afterwards, but it renews your strength to do so.
Lastly, this two-step de-stressing strategy also keeps a marriage from falling into infidelity. It might be hard to relate cheating to spending time together, but there is a connection.
Look at it this way: if you don't find a way to keep your stress level down, the resentment is bound to build up.
It's a natural part of being married. You will inevitably run into some differences in the way each of you approach issues, and too much built-up hostility can eventually drive you away from each other.
It's not a far-off possibility for either one of you to seek love elsewhere. That's exactly why you need to keep that "falling in love" part of your relationship alive, no matter what stage it's at.
The lust stage may have passed in your relationship, but it doesn't mean that you should stop making an effort to connect with one another.
It's perfectly normal (and expected even) for the tides in a marriage to change over time. One moment, you're head over heels and then suddenly you're arguing over the direction of your relationship.
It happens to all couples, but not all couples find the time to rediscover one another. That makes a huge difference between staying faithful - and otherwise.
As far as the big picture is concerned, keeping a marriage in good shape requires you to channel your stress on both levels: as individuals and as a couple.
Before you allow your stress to build up, consider the many ways you can both work on reframing your stress and finding ways to overcome it.
A problem shared is a problem halved. And it all takes you one step closer to your goal of greater marital unity.
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