Cheat Proofing Your Relationship

If there's anything all those country love songs lament about, it's cheating. It's practically a cliché - country song, cheating... cheating... well you get the picture.

With the sheer number of cheating songs out there, one could develop the suspicion that maybe cheating does happen more often than we think.

Based on statistics, up to 75% of relationships will be tainted by unfaithfulness at one point or the other; and in 60% of these, the offended partner will not even know it's going on.

This might seem alarming but it's true and you know it. You probably know someone in your immediate circle of friends and family that's been unfaithful. Heck, you may have considered the thought at times.

But, before you become a love song casualty, is there anything you can do to cheat-proof your relationship?

Of course, there are no guarantees. What we hope to do, however, is to arm you and your partner with enough information, strategies and insights for you to actually make yourselves and your relationship STRONG enough to resist the temptation to cheat.

Read that statement again. It's saying what you think it is. The power to cheat-proof your relationship lies in how you and your partner can put in the effort to make whole, healthy, mature individuals in a whole, healthy, mature relationship.

And building this type of relationship requires information, strategies and insights that would change your attitudes towards each other and relationships in general. There, I've given the secret away.

Let's take it one element at a time.

INFORMATION

Many people think that if someone cheats in a relationship, they are born cheaters. Actually, this is not necessarily true. Sure there are those with chronic, psychological problems but those already require professional, clinical help and are beyond the scope of this newsletter.

In the everyday, run-of-the-mill marriage or relationship cheating is the product of a complex set of factors.

It could be partly behavioral - something from an individual's childhood, even social conditioning (i.e. it's there, you're a guy, take advantage) - but also, more often, a symptom of problems in the relationship.

Men and women also approach cheating differently. Men sometimes cheat because they are not getting sex at home or as avoidance of even bigger problems with their marriage. Women tend to cheat because they want to feel loved, valued and supported.

To begin cheat-proofing your relationship you have to arm yourself with this information. Know why people cheat in general and find out if these conditions could be present in your relationship.

It is important that hand in hand with this you get to know yourself very well.

Why would you do the things you do? What tendencies show up in your behavior?

Additionally, get to know your partner intimately - what are his or her motivations? Attitudes? Tendencies? What factors influence his or her behavior?

All in all, remember this: What you know, you can understand. What you understand, you can choose to keep or choose to change.

ATTITUDES

As you get to know yourself and your partner, take note of the negative attitudes that can actually trigger rather than hinder infidelity in your marriage. Studies have found that there are 2 most common negative attitudes: Jealousy and Perfectionism.

If you pay attention to these 2 attitudes, you'll discover that they both stem from insecurities and lack of self-esteem within OURSELVES. They are not products of our relationship. And, usually, our partner is not even to blame for what is lacking.

We view the world from a hazy perspective. With unwarranted jealousy, something in us fails to trust and always feels that our partner prefers someone else over us.

With perfectionism, we expect that our relationship will be the best it can ever be - placing undue expectations on it and on our partner that, realistically, they can never deliver. After all, in an imperfect world, you can only expect so much.

Become intimately acquainted with these two negative attitudes. Do you have one or the other? Do you find yourself reacting to your partner with these leading the way?

If so, STOP. As you get to know yourself, you have the opportunity to CHANGE yourself. It will only be for your own good and for the good of your relationship that you evolve into a positive, happy secure person.

STRATEGIES

Information, getting to know yourself and your partner... what are these for? Perhaps you fail to remember that the key words here are "cheat-proofing" and "relationship". You already have some background, now we expand on the how.

The only way to go about it could be summed up in this way. Make your relationship a QUALITY relationship. Make your relationship with your partner such a precious and valuable part of your life that cheating will no longer be an issue.

In the same way that you try to improve yourself, improve your relationship as well. You can begin with the simple and yet meaningful proposition: It's not just about you it's about your partner too.

Supporting, listening, understanding and being there for your partner are non-negotiables. Being there for each other demands a balance between improving yourself daily and looking out for the welfare of the other.

This includes keeping the lines of communication open between the two of you, developing the right communication tools necessary to remain honest and sincere with one another.

This requires prioritizing your relationship above your other social or familial obligations - which means you put your partner first - even above your children.

This means keeping all the aspects of your relationship intact and GROWING - intimacy, friendship, passion, companionship, respect, reverence. This means quality time and dates, loving acts and honest discussions.

Slacking off could mean growing apart, growing apart could mean allowing a third person to get in the way.

On the other hand, trying too hard may revert you to the old diseases of jealousy and perfectionism. This is why in maintaining your balance; you also have to keep your independence. It's ok to have some space and time apart. In fact, you will even appreciate each other more for it.

Giving each other the breathing room allows you to recharge your batteries and even continue with your work of self-improvement - which, as I said, would only prove beneficial for your relationship.

As we mentioned previously, there are no guarantees. Realistically speaking, however, we hope that these suggestions will give you and your marriage a fighting chance.

Of course, these are nothing without EFFORT. Cheat-proofing your relationship may not be easy but we know that it may just be WORTH IT.