Remember to apologize to improve your marriage

Knowing when to say you are sorry.

Katrina and Jason are seated on the same side of the sofa but their body language revealed what a marriage counselor can easily detect among married couples who have chosen to live the MAR in marriage.

The couple is seeing a marriage counselor for the first time since they were married. They have been having trouble lately over trivial matters that seem to spark their hostility towards each other.

She said when Jason has a bad day at the office his bad mood continues after work. He arrives home poker-faced, and oblivious to Katrina's words of welcome. Such behavior has been going on for quite sometime now, she said, but there seems to be no effort on his part to apologize for taking his office problems home and taking them out on his wife.


Many married couples today find it hard to maintain a workable marriage, much less a happy one. It may be the pressure of making the family finances better, or the mundane task of maintaining the household. Whatever it is, it is clear that married couples do not treat each other the way they did before they got married.

During the dating stage, the sweetest moment for a couple is the reconciliation stage after a disagreement because each makes every effort to act beyond what is expected of him. This is what we call the "sweetheart" stage, when the couple is getting to know each other without any pressure attached on their relationship.

A couple making up for a wrong committed against the other will make use of every trick in the book to be forgiven. Saying “I’m sorry” is romantically done by sending short notes, simple gifts or flowers.

A newly-wed couple will still retain the "sweetheart" stage early on in the marriage. This means saying sorry for doing something wrong is still an effortless action.

After a while or after being married for quite sometime, the couple will become so familiar with each other that they treat the other not as a lover but the way they would treat other family members. During this time, pride gets in the way and the words "I’m sorry" has taken a back seat.

Saying that you are sorry is important in maintaining a good marriage. By saying “sorry”, the damage done by too much familiarity and heartlessness against the other spouse heals a little. Staying married for years without uttering these words would mean the piling up of heartaches and even hatred in a couple's hearts. This is not healthy in a relationship because it alienates the other.

Couples who have the tendency to fight, even over trivial things, should relearn the art of saying “I’m sorry”. It is an art because it is a gift from within - but it has to be learned. Married couples who want to keep their marriage should relearn the art which was used when they were still dating.

Saying sorry to your partner does not just tell him or her you are sorry for the things you have done. The important thing is that you are saying sorry because you have hurt your partner's feeling or that you did not mean to do so. Hearing sorry may not turn back the clock but it will somehow ease the pain.

But saying “I’m sorry” without really meaning it can just worsen the fight. If the other spouse is not “dense”, then the insincerity of the apology will be noticed. Of course, it is easier to say sorry to your officemates or friends, but saying sorry to one's spouse will make a difference in the relationship.

The danger is, you may have gotten so used to saying you’re sorry that it operates like a mantra when the other spouse accuses you of hurting his or her feelings. It will be like saying sorry without really meaning it. Saying that you are sorry should always be followed by a positive action from the erring spouse.

While saying sorry is not the be-all and end-all of a marriage problem, it is a good start and will show the other couple that there is hope for the marriage and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to keep that marriage alive.

How To Solve Marriage Problems

'Til death do us part?’
On solving marriage problems

In today’s world, the moment the spark is gone in a marriage, the couple would automatically consider divorce as the best solution. They want to be out of the relationship...fast. But marriage problems could be solved without going to the lawyer and filing for that separation.

Married couples always need a tip or two. So here they are: simple things that could save the marriage from a potential catastrophe.

1. One word: compromise.

A husband and a wife should make things work by both compromising. They must know when to give and when to take. Remember that, for a relationship to grow, both parties must give way to the other.

2. Be positive.

A married couple has to always look at the brighter side. They must remember that they got married because they love each other and that they swore that they would be together until death would take them apart. For every shortcoming of the partner, the other must think of the 10 positive things that would somehow give redemption.

3. Have state-of-the-union talk.

This is important. The married couple could go out for a walk and talk. Both must be sympathetic listeners and should not dismiss each other's sentiments and complaints. They must remember that neither of the two should be rude.

4. Go on a trip.

Second honeymoon, anyone? Maybe what a "tired" married couple needs is just a time off, an escape to a place where love could be rekindled.

5. Solve one problem at a time.

Solve multiple problems by resolving one at a time. Trying to solve things all at once can be overwhelming and cause more disagreement.

6. Pray together.

A married couple might want to consider praying together and allowing some spiritual intervention. This might make things easier.

7. Seek professional help.

Sign up for a marriage retreat or consult a marriage counselor. This is a drastic step - but this would help the couple in the long run.

"I need space," "I don't think the marriage is working out," "Let's just split up," and "Meet my divorce lawyer" -- these statements are harsh and common to couples who are about to say goodbye to a lifetime commitment. While solving marriage problems is never a cinch, the couple must think that it would be more difficult to let go of a relationship that was once greatly revered than to rebuild it. Fight for that love!

If you still have faith in your marriage, do not give up easily. Though saving a marriage is not always easy, with the right approach it is possible even if you are the only one interested. Get a free mini e-course NOW on how to save your marriage.